Rules To Live By

In law school, we were taught that every question has the same answer:

It depends.

I firmly believe that when it comes to answering issues of legal significance, the slightest change in detail can drastic affect the response.

But when it comes to fashion, I enjoy stating things in absolutes.

Like my favorite:

Black tights go with everything.

EVERYTHING.

Seriously. From about mid October to late April, tights are my leg clothes of choice.

Frilly summer dresses? Pull on your trusty tights and chunky sweater and go.

Pencil skirts? Tights and a sharp jacket over a sexy secretary blouse and boogie.

That white cocktail dress? It's all about tights and black patent heels.

So here's my problem. I'm constantly on the hunt for the blackest, most opaque tights on the market. My current choice are the Assets line from Target, which are made by the Spanx people and consistently make you a full half size smaller. The only problem is that their magical body-morphing fabric extends to the mid-thigh area, making it difficult to wear them with a short skirt or dress.

I've heard that Wolford makes the creme de la creme but in These Economic Times, I think my husband might flip if I spent $40 on hosiery and tried to serve him ramen at dinner.

So help me out! What are the best black tights on the market?!?

Ok people. We've reached def-con 6000 and going to ludicrous speed.

That's right.

It's Inaugural Weekend here in our Nation's capitol and it's fricking freezing.

I mean that totally literally.

FREEZING.

So, if you are planning on spending the day anywhere outside of your bathtub with a shotgun I Am Legend style in DC, follow my 10 patented steps for beauty on the go.

First, think about how long you will be outside, whether attending the swearing in, the parade or just wandering around seeing what all the fuss is about. Now double that. And add an hour. That's how long you will TRULY have to brave the elements. Now weep in fear.

Second, prepare. I am planning on packing handwarmers (mmmm, exothermic reactions are awesome), gloves, hat, long underwear, and fleecy boots. I will look like Nanook of the Beltway, but whatever. Photos will be taken from neck up only.

Third, layer. And by that I mean moisturizer. Seriously, take the thickest lotion you've got and slather it on. You'll have time to shower it off later, but for now, you want to make sure nothing gets chapped. Those parade stands are metal. Nobody wants a freezer burned scaly ass.

Fourth, LIP BALM. Tons of it. Everyone knows my Rosebud devotion, but it doesn't matter what you use, just use it. Breathing through your nose is going to burn like you snorted a Pixi stick (ok, I only did it ONCE. on a DARE. At SUMMER CAMP.) so make sure your mouth breathing doesn't turn your lips into a bloody mess.

Fifth, choose accessories wisely. As I said, I'm making sure that pictures will be of the cute stuff, so my hat will be cute. I'm loving the furry aviatior/bomber hats with ear flaps and anything in a bright color.

Sixth, waterproof mascara. Even if you're not a cryer or weeping tears of joy, that biting cold wind will make your eyes tear and it's hard to do a precision wipe with gloves.

Seventh, take pictures early. All of the above will only get you so far. Take pictures early before you dissolve into a windburned, teary eyed, chapped mess and you can tell your grandchildren that you always looked that good when you were that age.

Eighth, wear COMFORTABLE SHOES. If you are going to a ball later, you will definitely want to save the pain for later. I had the good fortune of being able to scoop up a pair of the Bromley boots from JCrew that I have been eying since last year and they are cozy and warm and comfy. NB If you read between the lines here, I'm telling you that it's ok to wear Uggs outside the house.

Ok, wait, I need a minute to believe that I actually just typed that.

Crud.

Ninth, abandon all fantasies you had about looking cute while bundled up. You gave up on that when you bought the Uggs.

Tenth, if you can get a private audience with the President, ask him to support a constitutional amendment to move the swearing in to May. Seriously, Michelle would be all for this. Girlfriend has to stand up there and she actually has to look CUTE!

So Fresh and So Clean

I usually refrain from doing a lot of posts about awards shows, mostly due to the fact that, by the time I sift through all the pics and press releases, everyone else has discussed and is bored and doesn't want to hear it.

But last night, while I watched Laura Linney accepting a Golden Globe, I was struck by two things.

First, what the eff?  No Globe for "Congo?!?!"  

Just kidding.

Second, she looked FAN-fricking-tastic.

Not scary-skinny-Restylaned like the Desperate Housewives, just pretty and glowy and natural.

So when I saw a press release about her makeup, I just had to post.

Skin Care: La Mer The Mist, La Mer The Moisturizing Lotion, La Mer The Lip Balm

Foundation: DiorSkin Pure Light in Light Beiged

Concealer: DiorSkin Sculpt Lifting Smoothing Concealer in Beige

Powder: Physicians Formula Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Pressed Powder in Buff Beige Organics, $13.95

Bronzer: Physicians Formula Bronze Boost Glow-Boosting Pressed Bronzer in Light to Medium, $14.95

Blush: Physicians Formula Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin 2-in-1 Bronzer and Blush in Light Bronzer / Pink Rose, $13.95

Eye Shadow: Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips in Miami Strip, $12.95

Eye Liner: Physicians Formula Eye Definer Felt-Tip Eye Marker in Soft Black, $6.95 / Dior Crayon Eyeliner - Waterproof Trinidad Black 094 (Jet Black)

Brows: Dior Powder Brow Pencil in Blonde

Mascara: DiorShow

Lips: Dior Addict Ultra Gloss in A Lick of Taffy / Dior Contour Lip Liner in Nude Rose

Highlights / Contour: Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips in Sunkissed Glow (Highlighter), $11.95 / Physicians Formula Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin 2-in-1 Bronzer and Blush in Light Bronzer / Pink Rose, $13.95

Body: MAC Strobe Cream

And since I am posting just ONE DAY after the show....Renee Zellweger.  Why?  Sweet mother of crap, why?

My Verdict

Big thumbs down.

Gossip Girl: In the Realm of Basses

Welcome back!  

Honestly, I got so bored with making fun of Serena's boobs towards the end of last season, I just couldn't think of any new creative ways to say, Sweet Christ!  What 16 year old has cleavage that prominent?!?

However, like bears and my ability to accomplish anything, Serena's boobs have gone into hibernation during the winter.

All is well.

Blair continues to be the fashion raison d'etre for me...I mean, I've never been a fan of short sleeved suit jackets.  I think they are just something that female lobbyists invented so we don't have to sweat to death that last week before August recess.  In the 80's.  And never updated the look.

But Blair pulls it off here, pairing a Diane von Furstenberg jacket with a long sleeved tee and pencil skirt.
She pulls out another gem with the Nanette Lepore "Shake It" cardigan with gorge ruffled neck and satin details.  It's like a sweater and a scarf and a nightgown all in one!

Serena, boobs safely in hiding, still manages to don some skanky ass outfits, typically consisting of skintight jeans and droopy jersey tops.

The only highlight?  The leather jacket with sweater detailing.  Skintight, of course.  Girlfriend would have to hold onto a bed frame and suck it in to have someone zip that baby up.

My last favorite?  Lily's clearly-Loub shoes for the getaway to Boston to find her love child. 

Talk about irresponsible parenting...I bet that kid ended up a Red Sox fan.

Shudder

Until next week...let's just hope Serena's cleavage doesn't emerge from its chrysalis to flap its wings.

Incentivize

In my line of work, we try to think of ways to make people do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do without being forced.

Yeah, I work in the wonderful world of government policy.

Most of the time, that boils down to somehow rewarding people for good behavior.

Read: paying them.

Sneaky. But effective.

Which I why I totally respect Kiehl's for their new "Recycle and be Rewarded" program.

Here's the deal:

You bring back your Kiehl's recyclable empties and they stamp your card. The more you bring back, the more rewards you reap!

3 empties gets you one of their famous Lip Balm #1.

5 empties gets you a 2.5 oz travel collection product (perfect for styming TSA or for gym-goers)

10 empties gets you a full-sized product worth up to $25 and a new card.

Since I am a devotee of many, many Kiehl's products, I plan on getting some free stuff! I used to just include my packaging in the recycling in my house, but I think it's worth the trip to take them back to the store.

Color me incentivized.

(yup, it's a term of art)

An Open Letter to Department Store Cosmetics Salespeople

Dear Salespeople in Nordstrom, Neimans, Bendels, Bergdorf's, Barneys, etc.

So...times are pretty tough, huh?

Sales are down, I know.

I know sometimes when you work in an industry that thrives on commissions and people spending money on frivolous things an economic downturn is pretty deadly. I understand the panic that I see in your eyes when I walk into the overly perfumed air near your counters.

And believe me, I am sympathetic.

I want to buy lipglosses I don't need and mascara that promises to make me stop traffic like like a five car pile-up on the Jersey Turnpike on a holiday weekend.

However, when you come swooping down with your crazy eyes and pleas of "CAN-I-INTEREST-YOU-IN-ANYTHING-NEED-ANY-HELP-CAN-I-SHOW-YOU-THIS" I just want to run away. And then I do in fact, run away. To be perfectly frank, I actually have credit to several major stores and have entered on multiple occasions intent on buying, only to be driven away by the Marrakesh bazaar-like atmosphere.

While I do love the DIY charms of my neighborhood Sephora, I've always enjoyed picking the brain of an expert at the department store. I like getting a makeover and picking my favorite product then walking out of the store feeling pretty. I like having someone show me something that I hadn't thought to try on my own.

But lately it's gotten out of hand. I think I even had a nightmare recently where the monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark was running after me with a bottle of L'Air du Temps and the latest Juicy Tube and tries to force me into buying both.

So, this has been pretty disturbing to me as well. I'd like to broker a cease-fire.

If you stop trying to harass me into trying your stuff and let me peruse the counters at my leisure, I promise to buy some stuff. In fact, be a little aloof. Read "The Rules" or something. But be there when I need something. And all will be well.

If I get wind of any attempts to slather unwanted creams on my skin or get screechy about limited offers, I swear I will take all my disposable income to the nearest Sephora and never come back.

So please. Stop the madness. Back off a little. And I promise I will start spending.

Sincerely,

Caphillbarbie

World Gone Mad

Some days I feel like the whole world is officially on sale.

Everyone and their roommate are renting out available square footage in the DC area for the inauguration.  

(Seriously, if you want to pay me $100 bucks a night, you can crash in my tub.  It will be just like An American Tail.)

And my inbox is flooded with desperate emails from retailers all but paying us to take merchandise off their hands.

I've been ignoring most of these, just like I ignore friends who have "suddenly" gotten back in touch through Facebook, but one caught my eye.

Starting November 21st at Cusp, basically the whole store will be 40% off.

The sale will be in stores and online, so feel free to do a little browsing at work.

Just tell your boss I said it was ok.   In this topsy turvy universe, that just might fly.

Gossip Girl: Bonfire of the Vanity

Finally.  

Clothes.

On Blair, at least.

Looking gorge in an Alice and Olivia dress....

Mixing it up in a Bill Blass top (available online in the Queen's currency and altered to be backless)...
Continuing her love affair with Marc Jacobs Scribble fabric (looks like it was only on the runway)...

She also wore the Marc Bright Plaid Skirt and an Alice and Olivia top.

And with the other love of her life, Milly, but this one seems to only be available in Canada.

Damned Canucks.

My favorite ID?

The Waldorf family china.

Gossip Girl: There Might Be Blood

Sorry for the delay!  This will be a quick double header, mostly because Serena has decided to display her chest instead of actually wearing clothes and Jenny has forsaken pants altogether.

Exhibit A in pants-less-ness.

Tights are not pants people!

Live it.

Alas, only Blair shows brilliance in actually wearing clothes, as shown by her gorgeous red silk Catherine Malandrino dress.

Tune in for the next episode where hopefully the stylist earned his paycheck but putting together whole outfits, not just halvsies.

Gossip Girl: Pret-a-Poor-J

Sorry for the belated recap, election stuff, blah blah....

This episode was chock full o ugly, what with Jenny chopping her hair and going buck wild with a black eyeliner.

Serena's handbag is my favorite here...not her uber-skintight outfit.  The Devi Kroell hobo bag is fantastic, I've long coveted one of these bags.  But alas, even if I sold my soul to the Devil, it wouldn't cover the cost of that bag.

A more affordable luxury would be Blair's Marc by Marc Jacobs plaid skirt, a nice twist from the standard black watch.  It was available in the Chicago store when I visited, but be warned...skirts are shorter than they appear on TV.

The only thing worth looking at at that RISD post-student show was Blair's Temperley London dress.  Certainly not that doofy guest star artist.  Blech.

Lastly, and I can't find a good picture, Blair wears a green Rachel Comey blouse that would be perfect with a pencil skirt for a day at the office.  I'll race you to Barney's in Georgetown...

Grey Skies Ahead

I've always considered myself to be very progressive and open minded when it comes to most things.

But when the issue of nail polish colors, I'm practically Strom Thurmond.

I like pale pinks, dark reds, and well...that's it.

I never got into the black trend or it's bastard sister navy.  Don't even get me started on neons.

I guess I always felt that they could look ok on others, but certainly not on me.

But I was flipping through a Marie Claire and was literally struck dumb.

The model had perfect manicure of slate grey nails.

And it looked AWESOME.

Chic, demure, sophisticated and unexpected.  

The caption helpfully informed me that the shade was Rescue Beauty Lounge in Stormy.

So...here's the issue, I'm planning on trying it after an upcoming wedding manicure (a friend's!  not mine!  despite the dream I had where we restaged our wedding.  Bizarre.  I know) but I am looking for a facsimile....anyone see any perfect greys out there?

Protect and Serve

A coworker told a story recent about her mom getting a small skin cancer removed.

The scariest part?  Her doctor told her that she probably was exposed so much simply due to driving in her car and the sun through the window.

So, when a daily moisturizer with SPF showed up at my door, I lunged at it.

Despite my fear motivator, I've been really pleased with the moisturizer, DDF Correct and Protect UV Moisturizer SPF 15.  It definitely has that sunblock smell, which is making me a little wistful now that it's fricking freezing out.  However, I did get a little overzealous one morning and used a little too much.  Bad idea.  I ended up having to blot with a tissue while running out the door.  Use sparingly!

Best of all, I know that I am putting on sunscreen every morning.  And that makes the day a little easier to face.

(pun intended.  and lame.)

Gossip Girl: Chuck in Real Life

Welcome back for another exciting episode of "Check out Blake Lively's Side Boob!!"

Featuring.....

Side boob!

Courtesy of McQ by Alexander McQueen!!

Also lounging in this episode...Vanessa!  Who knows where this chick gets so many party dresses on such short notice?  Anyhoo, this one is Eskell.

The last interesting outfit...well, I'm not going to show you a picture for fear of being not suitable for work.  Blair's gorge satin lingerie (I'm sure pervy pictures are abundant if no one monitors your office) is Agent Provocateur.

Until next week...

Gossip Girl: New Haven Can Wait

Ok....I'm not even going to go there with the falsitudes in this episodes.  

Suffice it to say:  Blair's description of Brown is totally accurate and kids, wear a bra to you college interviews!

For a hot outfit totally NOT suitable for an Ivy League first impressions.

Her boobie-baring halter is courtesy of Alice and Olivia, the jeans are Rich and Skinny, the blazer is Ralph Lauren and the books are Michael Kors.

Also...NOT APPROPRIATE FOR COLLEGE VISITS...Serena's Black Halo dress.  But otherwise very cute.

However, for a more appropriate college interview ensemble...

Blair's Diane von Furstenberg skirt, Catherine Malandrino blouse and Paul Stuart sweater.  Also, her Chloe Oxford pumps are the rare case of shooties gone right.

If you didn't think that the plots could get any more ridonculous than Yale accepting someone who forgot to take the SATs, next week it's Dangerous Liaisons slash Cruel Intentions hijinks!!

Branching Out

I've never been a big fan of my toes.

Weird, I know.

But, as a result, I've always veered towards the pale pink colors for pedicure and saved dark for my fingers.

But a while back, I received a sample of NARS nail polish in Chinatown, a dark dark red that I couldn't wait to try out.

But alas!  It was summer and dark nail polish just felt too fall for me.

So I took the plunge and got a pedicure with the bold color.

It's....weird.

I definitely notice my toes more and the color looks great with an open-toed shoe.  The polish itself has stayed chip free and glossy over several weeks, no small feat considering how I abuse my toes on a daily basis.

However, since the weather has taken a turn for the chilly, I think I'll revert back to my comfort zone.

But it was fun while it lasted!

photo courtesy of beauty.com

Gossip Girl: Serena Also Rises

This episode was chock full o' good fashion!

The problem?

You can't buy half of the best outfits.

The finale dress that pushed Serena's boobs up to her chin?

Nope.

Jenny's maternity top slash ass bearing dress?

Nien.

Blair's blue dress with the sash?

SOL baby.

These were all made by the show's stylist himself.

Crap on a stick.

Well, there were some good pieces that ARE actually available.  Specifically, blouses, which I'm totally crushing on blouses for work in the fall, and this episode had some sweet ones.

Lily continues to impress with her jewel toned Rebecca Taylor top that would look kick ass with a grey suit.

While it's covered by a cardigan, the Milly blouse here is totally cute, and again, great for work under a jacket and then later minus the jacket.

And now, I know I focus pretty exclusively on the women's fashion, but I'm going to take a second out here and issue a fashion fatwa on Dan in vests.

STOP.

Please.

That is all.  As you were.

photos courtesy of gossipgirlinsider.com

Gossip Girl: The Ex Files

Finally.

Back at school.  

Not that I don't have a bone to pick with their attempt at reality, but more on that later.

First, I had a specific request for Blair's rhinestone headband.  

It's Jennifer Behr, but the real mystery is the cape.  No one on the internets can find it!

Apparently, the uniforms are coming from French Toast, which is actually a uniform store.  Who knew?  The real covetable item?  Her shoes, which are Nine West!  I'll race you there....

The parents in TV shows are typically a snoozefest (see 90120, My So-Called Life) but I perked up when I saw Lily in this Stella McCartney floral top.  

But I came crashing down to reality when I found that it was sold out everywhere.  

And now!  Field hockey!!  

As a chick who knew how to handle a stick in high school, I am well versed in the art of traipsing around the halls in a game outfit and hiking up that skirt.  (Actually, I knew a girl who had hers professionally altered to be shorter and poufier.)

Although...I accessorized with a mouthguard, not gumball sized pearls.  Maybe that's why we smoked the all girls schools when we played them.

Also, holy Herve Leger Batman!

No mortal should attempt to wear this dress.  Ever.

And now for my reality check.  

No way that girls from Constance Billard (aka Nightingale Bamford) would hang out with Dalton guys.  They would go for Collegiate or Trinity for sure.

Gossip Girl: The Dark Night

This episode just proves the theory that satin equals evil.  Witness Catherine's omnipresent Diane von Furstenburg wrap tops.

This episode revealed little that was covetable for me.  it was more about the one liners and teenagers not knowing who's tongue was in their mouth.

I did like Blair's 3.1 Phillip Lim pleated silk grecian dress....

but it seems to be out of stock everywhere!

Also interesting in this episode...Jenny seems to be wearing maternity tops as dresses!

Oh, those wacky high schoolers.

This one is Rebecca Taylor and you can find a similar dress/top from her here.

So, the plot in this ep?  Good.  The clothes?  Meh.

Next up?  Back to school!  Field hockey skirts!

On the Move

I'm headed to Chicago this weekend!  So, I'm looking for recommendations of places to shop, cool, neighborhoods to hang in and cafes for a caffeine fix!  Help me out!

photo courtesy of chicagophotos.blogspot.com