That's right boys and girls! It's time for another exciting installment of Ask CapHillBarbie!!!
(I'll wait for the applause and catcalls to die down)
Let's get it on!
All those people who claim that Washington wasn't actually built on a swamp obviously never spent a summer here. The oppressive heat and humidity that seem to take over from late-May until practically November always does a number on my makeup. No matter how many (or, in fact, how few) moisturizers, primers or setting sprays I use, every last fleck of makeup I so diligently apply in the morning is suspiciously missing by noon. What's worse, it's been replaced by a full-fledged oil slick! What can I use to make my made-up face stay fresh and clean at least until the workday's over?
Melting in Foggy Bottom
I feel your pain. Seriously man, I feel your pain. No. Wait. I feel your pain.
Summer in D.C. is a full fledged beast. A natural phenomenon which assaults your beauty routine and leaves you a broken shell of a barely mascara-ed fool when it retreats around Daylight Savings time, only to rear it's ugly head again sometime in late April.
So, like the Boy Scouts and high school boys trying to get into a bar for the first time, you need to come prepared. However, instead of a Swiss Army knife or peach fuzz and a peeling homemade ID, you need budgeproof beauty tools.
I like to think of K.I.S.S.
Keep It Smudgeproof Stupid.
First, think of the base. You mention that you've tried all manner of primers and setting lotions. I know the feeling. Like when you walk outside and you feel like your face is pooling into a puddle of flesh colored sludge.
Put on as little as possible. Try to just use concealer if possible. If you are not comfortable going naked, skip regular moisturizer and go directly to tinted moisturizer. Do not pass go. Do not collect Tide To Go pens for your collar.
Next, powder blush. Forget anything creamy. I prefer NARS blushes, and because I can turn 5 shades of fuchsia in the heat, I skip my normal rosy Sin in favor of the peachy Orgasm.
Eyes can be really tough for me, since I find the most creasing and smudging occurs in this area. Bobbi Brown Longwear Gel Eyeliner is fantastic for this. It'll stay on through a cloture debate occurring on the Mall at noon. If you can, again, skip the shadow. If not, I think MAC Shadesticks are the best for crease resisting color. However, use a light hand and think sheer light colored shades.
Then, curl your lashes and put on the most waterproof mascara possible.
Finally, I like a slick of Rosebud Salve just to put a little shine on the lips. Sticky lipgloss in the summer will just attract mosquitoes.
Just keep in mind that this too shall pass and we will get that one beautiful week in October where it gets cool and crisp before the Indian summer and straight to rainy winter.
And that air conditioning is a right, not a privilege. It's there under the right not to have soldiers quartered at your house in wartime. I promise.