Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Project Runway: It's Not Easy Being Green

Wow.  It has become apparent to me that Bravo is phoning it in this season of Project Runway.

Wakey wakey scenes are business as usual with much fluffing and gelling of hair and crass over confident statements about how everyone else's work sucks.

There is the model choosing scene, where I think one person switched and said something along the lines of "She was just better, it's not personal, I'm here to win it!"  And the person who's model was taken said something like, "Bitch.  I see her true colors now."

Then it's back to the workroom for a debriefing by Tim Gunn.  It's an ecofriendly fabric cocktail dress challenge!  

Can't you picture the production meeting?  

"Green is so trendy."  

"I know, it's like totally a trend."  

"I know!"  

"Let's do a challenge!"  

"Okay, but how will we make it even remotely interesting?"

"Make the models buy the fabric!"


"It's brilliant."

"Can we make sure that they are dumb enough to totally screw at least half the contestants?"

Intercom noise.

"Susan, get extra dumb models this year.  Thanks."

Sheer television genuis, people.

So the models go shopping for fabric and rave about the UGH-mazing selection of eco-friendly fabrics.  So much to choose from! long is a yard again?

Yeah, the models buy like two feet o' fabric and think that it will cover their tiny bodies.  Well, the designers try to tell them nicely that that's not going to happen and it also seems like half the models picked the same two fabrics.  A pale yellow shiny silk and a shiny brown silk.  Hmmm....guess the selection wasn't so stunning after all.

Everyone starts working away and it's clear at this point that Wesley and Korto are up a creek yet down a paddle.  Wesley is starting on a tiny wrinkly looking dress and Korto is cooking up something with fins!  Tim seems dismayed!

Meanwhile, Leanne is adding many panels to her dress at odd angles, and ignoring Tim's suggestions to EDIT.  Kenley is chucking her model's nasty jersey fabric, having deemed it unsuitable for a cocktail dress, and is working on a nice looking bland sheath dress.

In other news, Blayne continues to try to make "licious" happen.  


Let it go.  

As a backup schtick, Blayne has started to mimic Stella, riding her about her accent when it comes to the word "leather."  Which, granted, is annoying.  But hearing Blayne say it just makes me want to take an axe to his head, not Stella's.

Suede talks about Suede some more.

Honestly, no one else even registered for me.  Except Jerrel's line of the episode where he summed up everyone royally screwed by the brown silk as "Team Ugly Brown Fabric."  

On to judging and our mystery guest!  Oh, it's Natalie Portman.  Who is like a total midget.  And makes vegan shoes.  Super trendy!  Production team working overtime here!

I know I'm in the minority here, but I am not a fan of Portman and her non-witty attempts to be nice to everyone. 

In the end, Suede's yellow and red crisscrossed bandage dress is clearly the winner here.  I could have lived without the tutu bottom and the fact that it was made by a dude with a blue faux-hawk who refers to himself in the third person.  But, hey, that's life.

Kenley got high marks for her sheath with the dramatic high collar, which seems to be the ticket to not leaving lately on Project Runway, and I envision will soon become the bubble shirt of '08. 

Also praised?  Stella's leather-but-not-leather-lace-up mini dress.  Go figure.  Or fig-yuh, as the case may be.

Singled out for Nina Garcia's special hatred is Wesley of the Skinny Shorts.  In the greatest one liner ever, she sums it up as "Shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap."  

Words to live by.

So, goodbye Wesley, my sweet Wesley.  I'll miss those startling glimpses of your upper thighs!

Let's pray that Bravo's production team starts sniffing glue or something to try to liven things up here.  I like my challenges a little cracked up, you know?


marisol said...

omg...your commentary rocks. It is exactly how I felt!

Elsie said...

I concur Marisol, hilarious recap. Thanks.

JLP said...

I never watch 'Project Runway' but after reading you're little shtik I might have to start.