Tuesday, July 31, 2007

An Open Letter to That Girl on the Bus Yesterday

Dear Unknown Chick on the Bus Yesterday:

I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I wanted to let you know that certain things are simply not acceptable in a polite society when you are above the age of fifteen. One of those things is walking around on a Monday with a neck so full of hickeys that it looks as though you were attacked by a vacuum cleaner.

Now, I know that you may having been living it up on Saturday at Town Hall, The Deck, Smith Point (for old times sake) or wherever else the Late Night Shots crew has decided to grace with their presence. And I know that perhaps that last sour apple martini may have clouded your judgment enough that you hooked up with that guy wearing Topsiders and the pink polo.

And that's all well and good.


But here's the deal. It is no longer okay to make a half hearted attempt at covering up the hematomas of early Sunday morning with a popped collar.

So, unless you have a clotting disorder or something (and even if you do!), heed my advice....get thee to some concealer!

Seriously. I heartily recommend investing in some Dermablend if you are ever planning on hooking up with Mr. Hoover Mouth ever again. But honestly, just go with what you've got in the house! Spackle it on. At least it will look like you made an effort.

Okay, so anyways, I liked your bracelet watch, but do something about the neck. Unless, of course, I have this all wrong and you have some sort of cancer or something. In which case, I apologize and take back everything I just said. Get well soon!

Peace out.



Isabella said...

fyi i love your blog. read it all the time, you've got a great sense of humor!

Big Sky Girl said...

I love that cancer is the only excuse you're taking.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I love this blog, please don't tell me you're one of those LNS consorts...*sniffle*puppy dog eyes*?

caphillbarbie said...

Well...if not cancer, then something else REALLY serious. And no worries about seeing me partying with the LNS. Not my scene...although I do enjoy reading about them on Wonkette...