Project Runway: Transformations

Sorry this is so ridonculously belated. It happens, you know?

Ok, so we open with everyone being very sad that America's favorite cream-puff of a designer was booted from the show. Seriously, you would think that it was Darfur in here the way Sweet P and Ricky turn on the waterworks at the mere mention of Chris's name.

But Heidi is ready to deliver the challenge, and the challenge is...you have to design for people who have lost a ton of weight!! But are still not whippet-model-thin! And you just use their favorite outfits to make a new outfit!

I actually thought this was quite creative for a challenge. Not only are these women not overgrown clothes hangers, the challenge is more restricted than last season's design for someone else's mom, leading to less nebulosity and emotional turmoil.

The major twist here is that one woman is standing there in her ginormous shiny white white wedding dress. And for those of you who still believe that reality TV is really real, Stephen gets picked to design for her. Congratulations! You don't even have to design anything, you are going home.

So off they go to the workroom to read a sappy note from the dearly departed Chris (seriously! people! He's not dead! Suck it up!) and to confab with their "models." They each get $10 to shop at Mood where Stephen picks out the drabbest of drab black jersey and buys like 8 yards since he refuses to work with the wedding dress. Don't let the door hit you on your ass on the way out!

Meanwhile, in personal problems land, we find out, due to his facial edema, that Jack has a little case of the MRSAs. And, as we all know, MRSA is uber-trendy right now. Way to be topical, Project Runway! After a phone call with his doc, Jack announces that he will be leaving the show. I'm not quite sure why a little vanco wouldn't have done the trick, but whatev.

Ever the clever producers, to "keep the level of competition high," (re: we want a full goddamn season out of these people and one frickin drug resistant bacteria will not keep us from our writer's strike enhanced ratings!) they bring back Chris! Like Lazarus rising from the grave or Britney from a night of hard partying, Chris slinks in and gets to work. Producing...a sailor costume! I mean, everyday outfit.

But how awesome is the scene of him just beached on the couch? Pretty awesome.

So up to the runway they go, with Steven running with his glue trying to cobble together something for the judges to make fun of.

Most of the designers managed to have something decent walking down on the newly slimmed down women. Rami made a twisted tank top with denim skirt, Victorya made some kind of green velvet dress, and Sweet P managed to turn out a cute jersey dress with a cute trim. Capri jeans ruled the day, showing up in Ricky's slightly mall-queen outfit, but it wasn't bad enough to sink to Steven levels and he was saved.

Ruling the roost was Christian, who finally got his due. He won the competition by turning out an outfit that met all of his model's restrictions (black, jeans, black top, jeans, and oh, maybe a black top?) but it was still cute, fun and flattering. I thought the kid was about to pee his pants he was so excited to win.

Joey Faketone got to do the Christian-crestfallen look this time, after sending his cute as a button blonde model with a sunny yellow bustier and black leggings. I am totally with Michael Kors on declaring a moratorium on the leggings. It's enough already. I get that they are easy to sew, but enough is enough.

Kit didn't get recognized on the runway, but I thought her dress was just adorable. See:

So cute!

Onto Jillian, who totally gets on my nerves. I really don't like her little soft voice and measured tones with her hideous accent. And I'm annoyed that she somehow got away with not using ANY of her model's real clothes. Not okay with that. Frizzy-haired girl? You are on notice.

Elisa made one of her awful dresses. But the major crime? Putting her model in these boots! WTF? No one would look good in these. EVER.

Ah, Steven. It was almost too predictable that you would make something that UNBELIEVABLY ugly and get sent home. But honestly? I know nuns who would wear something sexier than that.

And the fact that he stood there and poo-pooed her wedding dress in front of her just made me want to cry. It was her FAVORITE dress. Her wedding dress!! And he had the nerve to stand there and say how distasteful the fabric was that he couldn't even do anything with it. If I were her, I would have sat on him.

I will spare Chris, the same way the judges did. He is clearly destined to return to wherever they send departed contestants soon. Costumes do not a happy Nina make.

Coming up! More sewing! In case you didn't know...

As always...check yourself at Blogging Project Runway, but don't wreck yourself. Plus! I hear that the Tim's Take is on like Kong!