Thursday, January 03, 2008

Project Runway: Eye Candy

Ok, I'm really not so happy with Bravo right now.

They let us all rant and rave on and on about how batshit crazy Elisa is and how is is from another planet and just oh so freaky and then she drops the bomb that she had been hit by a car. And suffered a MASSIVE HEAD INJURY.

Salient details, no?

Well, I just feel awful.

I mean, whether the brain damage is organic or caused by a car moving on the wrong side of the road, she's still nutso, but guilt is deeply entrenched now.

But, to get to that point, we must start at the very beginning.

The designers wake up and talk about the challenges thus far. So hard! No roommates left!! Christian's hair is so frizzy pre-gel!!!

They get to the runway and are allowed to choose all new models! Such excitement, except that no one wants Rami's blonde zaftig girl. Or the other girl that I thought was cute. Ricky cries.

Heidi (looking uber-vampy) tells them that there will be a field trip, so put two juice boxes in the freezer tonight kids! Unfortunately, this will start at the ass-crack of dawn, so Tim gets to see everyone's PJs, morning breath and nipples.

The reason for the pre-sunrise trip is immediately apparent when they get to Times Square at the only time of day when the crowds of tourists headed to the Olive Garden have thinned.

No breadsticks for these guys! They are going to the Hershey store! Which apparently is different from the M&M factory? God, I hate Times Square. They have five minutes to grab whatever they can carry and make a garment out of it.

Back in the workroom, I suddenly feel the need to run to CVS for candy as I watch the designers stuff their faces with chocolate and candy in the early morning. (I'm not saying I haven't done it too, but I'm not proud of it)

Jillian, in AWWWL of her accented idiocy, chose Twizzlers to fabricate her dress. While they are truly like plastic, those things do not mold well, and she spends AWWWL of her time struggling with her garment.

Christian, in a total recap of the very first PR episode where Marco takes a shower curtain and makes a dress in twenty minutes, unwraps a gagillion Reese's cups, tacks them on to a halter dress form, and declares himself the winner. He goes on to annoy every single person in the workroom separately.

Sweet P started one dress with a tile mosiac belty thing and a skirt made from Care Bear hides, but trashed it to make what Tim describes as resembling maxi-pad. At which point water came shooting out my nose.

When they finally get to the runway, the looks are debuted.

Joey Faketone showed the most wearable outfit, a pencil skirt, bolero, and silver bustier. Kit's label hommage was fine, but a little obvious and a whole lot of label. Methinks short skirts work best for candy wrappers.

Ricky, weeping at the sound of wrappers falling to the floor, made a cute little bubble dress that was so reminiscent of an actual Hershey's Kiss, I think they should dress their theme park workers in it from now on. Christian's halter dress also escaped closer scrutiny.

Called back on to the runway are Elisa, Jillian, Chris, Rami, Sweet P, and Victorya.

Chris receives high praise for his Stephen Sprouse (who you may all remember for the graffiti Louis Vuitton bags circa 2001) Hershey dress. Honestly, I'm kind of shocked he didn't win, I thought the dress was awesome. It was so not costumey but embraced the point of the challenge, but it was not to be. But our little dumpling gets to sew another day!

The judges just fawned over Jillian and her Twizzled armour creation. Personally, I wasn't a superfan, but that may have been because her voice sounds like nails on the chalkboard to me and I swear to God, suspenders must die. But, I will grudgingly admit that it was not half bad. She must have been the runner-up too, because she received the "Christian-crestfallen-I-didn't-win??" shot of the week.

Rami, who ended up being the winner, made a very technicolor Barbarella outfit. It was shiny and busy and oh my! The model really worked it, despite the fact that it could have burst into flames or fallen apart at any moment. Rami is clearly becoming the critic's darling early in the show. Be beware, Icarus!! Don't send the paper dress too close to the sun!

You know who the judges didn't like? Victorya. They called her out on her "it's wearable! I would wear it!" BS, and for the fact that she made her model walk like a constipated ballerina on Quaaludes.

Oh, also, Sweet P took a lashing for her dull dull strapless dress. I thought for sure the "boooorrrrriiiiinnnnggg" from MK would be the kiss of death, but I must have forgotten that the producers already told us Elisa's sob story, and therefore she must go.

Elisa, apparently using her daughter as inspiration, made some sort of sad little brown dress with silver swimmies. I mean, I'm all for silver swimmies. Better than the nasty orange they usually come in. But really? That dress looked like a little brown towel wrapped around her model. There was nothing whimsical, fashionable, fun, or pretty about it. Goodbye, rainbow goddess woman and your loogies!

Also, what was that you said to Heidi? Was that Sanskrit for "I will slit your throat at the reunion show?" Or was it just a lingering Broca's issue from the car accident? Just checking....

Some other nota benes on this episode:

Who in hell needs a chocolate bar that big? Sure, blame the Farm Bill for obesity in America, whatever.

No matter what that chick from Hershey's says, the sweetest place in New York isn't that store. It's the Barney's shoe floor the first day of a sale 10 minutes before the store actually opens.

Was Vincent from last season also in a coma before the show? That would have explained a lot.

No one wanted to evoke Willy Wonka in this episode?? I find that hard to believe. Or maybe they were prohibited by contract since Wonka is actually Nestles.

Check out Blogging Project Runway for all the scoop and the always genius Tim's Take, in particular his descriptions of Christian this episode. Let's just say I agree, he's not exactly the Louis Pasteur he thinks he is.


Blonde Features said...

Hi! Love the project runway commentary...everything you say is so right on.
But how is the wedding planning going? isn't it coming up soon? Hope all is well!

caphillbarbie said...

Hi! Thanks for the sweet comments...more to come on the wedding shortly.

Johanna said...

LOVED Christian's dress.

The only thing that would've made it better was if he'd used Cadbury Creme Egg wrappers (I love the smell of those even more than Reese's), but I fear the texturing wouldn't have worked as well.

In terms of construction and overall "wow" factor, I think the right man definitely won.

Fabulista said...

FUNNIEST PR RECAP YET. I'm still laughing over the juice boxes in the freezer. I look forward to next week's ep!

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