Project Runway: Finale, Part 1

Damn you Bravo TV producers and Project Runway story editors!! I hate the split finale!!

Oh well, on previouslies, there was a challenge and the judges decided to send all four to Fashion Week!! There is much jubilation, but also, whispers of tension between the contestants.

So everyone is packing up to leave the Atlas (cute that it is two boys and two girls, no one has to pack alone) and catch cabs to home. Laura earns my undying respect by simply stating, "I'm walking home," puts on her sunglasses, and marches her little pregnant ass down the street in heels.

A month passes...

Tim is off on the first of his visits!! This is the part where Tim checks in with all the designers at home while they work on their collections so we can think, Good Lord! What have they been doing with their time?? It is also so we can see their families and glimpse into their pasts and get attached before we see the hopes and dreams of all but one get smashed into teensy tiny pieces.

First up is Michael, so Tim heads down to Georgia with product placement rental car as his ride. Michael opens the door and is all, "Whassup!" He also announces to the camera that he has braces and tells us that we are allowed to make fun of him. Sweet. Railroad tracks, huh? No one's going to want to kiss you with all that hardware in your mouth!! Can you get radio stations through those? Ok, fine, I'll stop being third grader.

So Michael shows Tim what he's been working on and Tim seems impressed with the dress on the form, which is a white long slinky dress with a lace up deep V neck. Tim does not seem super thrilled with the sketches on the walls though. He gives Michael the thinking face, and Michael gets the picture....as in, keep working....

They go to Michael's family's house and Tim has dinner with the fam! Too cute for words.

Then, it's off to...Laura's apartment! Laura continues to earn brownie points with me for her acute self-awareness and wry sense of humor about her gaggle of children. Favorite statement: I produced a line of kids, why not a fashion line?

Laura shows Tim her GINORMOUS LOFT and I can see that Tim is chartreuse with envy (PUH-lease, what New Yorker wouldn't be??). Oh, speaking of chartreuse, she shows Tim her stuff, including an outfit that Tim later calls the "chartreuse popsicle." I want to wretch when I look at that thing. Fortunately, her other stuff looks promising, even though I catch glimpses of lace V-necked gowns. Dun-dun-DUN!!! The V-Neck strikes again!! But maybe those are just Laura's fall wardrobe.

Then, as if set to "Flight of the Bumblebee," Laura's litter storms into the room and swarm around Tim. One even tries to hand Tim some turtle poop. Tim seems genuinely horrified. As he should be. I'm guessing no one ever handed Tim Gunn turtle poop before.

After Tim washes his hands with bleach (seriously, turtles carry some nasty ass salmonella), he's off to Miami to chill with Uli. He looks at her stuff and it is all so Uli. She echoes Michael's safari theme, only this is tropical, not urban safari. Prints, blah blah, swirly fabrics, blah blah. I am non-plussed with Uli until she starts talking about her time behind the Iron curtain. Interesting....

Fade out to Tim flying into LA to visit Jeffrey. Wow, Tim drives in LA. He is brave. That scares the bejesus out of me. At Casa Jeffrey, we see Jeffrey's girlfriend. And while his mom might not have a mohawk, his girlfriend does. Well, I didn't really expect him to be dating someone who looks like Jessica Simpson.

We hear all about Jeffrey's drug addiction and daddy issues, and I can't really make fun of this because that's just plain mean.

It's off to the workspace, because, we are reminded (HINT HINT), Jeffrey has his own line and a factory of Ooompa Loompas who do his fashion bidding. He pulls out some dresses and Tim heaps on praise. Here is where I'm actually surprised. I really like Jeffrey's stuff. Like...a lot. I expected to like his stuff in a sort of, editorial-that's interesting-but I would never wear it-way, but I think I would actually like to wear it. I think this was the kind of this he was trying to do in the last challenge, but he got it on point this time. He has a very sophisticated inspiration that doesn't sound like a cliche and the clothes were pretty.

Well, we'll have to see how that goes....

So they all arrive in New York and get to work with the castings and the finishings and the talking to the makeup artists.

Tim visits and is so happy that Laura has 86'ed the vomit coatdress. I have to say that I looooved the dress that was on her form in the workroom. The pretty sparkles around the neckline and the grey looked fantastic. Elegant, but not a total rerun of her other stuff. I am still seeing the plunging sternum dresses though.... (insert gnashing of teeth here)

Uli's stuff is so plain Uli. I have to say that I am just tired of Uli's schtick. Perhaps even more so than Laura's.

And Michael. Michael, I think, pulled a Daniel V. He is young and very talented, but seems to always do better when there is a specific challenge to meet. The more guidelines, the better the clothes, but when given more freedom, I feel like he loses his way. Tim seemed to express the frustration with the "bling factor" and I worry that this all looks a little Rocawear for NinaGarcia/Michael Kors.

So, next week, we'll see the collections and....wait, what? There was a big controversy? Laura accused Jeffrey of cheating? Huh? Did I go to bathroom at that point? How did I miss that?

Just kidding!!

Okay, my take on this. I do not think it's fair if Jeffrey did not finish all his sewing himself. I do think it's possible that he did not do all of his sewing. I think it will not be possible to prove that. I do think that they will find something possibly amiss in his receipts that were so disorganized and have a problem like that. It's like indicting Scooter Libby on perjury instead of leaking classified information. Or getting Al Capone on tax evasion.

I don't think Laura was wrong to bring it up. I think she may not have done that if it was Michael sitting there twiddling his thumbs, but that is what it is.

I am interested to see what happens to Jeffrey. Will he show his collection, but simply as a decoy and not be judged? Will they find nothing wrong at all and let everything proceed as scheduled? Will all this stress send Laura into early labor?

I said it before and I'll say it again...Damn you producers and your infuriating editing!!

Until next Wednesday....

Check out Blogging Project Runway for the continual scoopage.

Also, ponder these questions:

Do we think that Laura's husband is even capable of producing X sperm, 'cause it looks like he's shooting all Ys.

What exactly is an urban safari? Look!! A feeding frenzy at Millie and Al's for dollar Jello shots! Staffers preening in their natural habitat...Ann Taylor Loft. Watch the mating rituals at Social Safeway. Don't get too close to the line at Starbucks, the office workers are known to bite back if they haven't had their coffee.

Does that makeup artist do a smokey eye on EVERYONE?

Do we think I could look even 10% as good as Laura when I am pregnant? 'Cause that would be awesome.