Everyday Idiocy

Poor poor Giada.

I'm going to say it again.

Poor, poor Giada.

I've always had a sort of soft spot for Giada De Laurentiis in that sort of "Look! A pretty woman who is a decent cook! And she (allegedly) eats! And her nails are so pretty!" way. I have a few cookbooks, I'll watch her show, especially when it involves recipes with Nutella, my post about her nail polish is far and away the most popular thing I have ever written.

But lately, I think she is making some bad bad choices.

Most upsetting to me personally, was her trip to DC on her travel show where it seemed like everyone in her crew had dropped acid and then wrote the script. A detailed list of her offenses was catalogued in the Washington Post's Reliable Source.

Most offensive: Georgetown is NOT outside of DC, you loser!

Most hysterical: The thought of Giada actually in Adams Morgan on a weekend night.

As one of my friends stated so succinctly, "You'd think she'd have room for some facts in that giant head of hers."


More recently, I noticed a thread on Chowhound dissecting her most recent exploit. Namely, the "Women We Love" section of Esquire magazine.









Yechhhh.






Look at the melon on her!

If we were on America's Next Top Model, this girl would be packing her bags and leaving the house tonight.

Ok, I get it. She's supposed to look edgy and sexy, yet in homage to her Italian food persona in sort of a Sophia Loren way. My problem is mostly that she looks insanely awkward, insanely retouched, and, well, insane.

Honestly, I think I'm just still scarred from the whole Rachael-Ray-in-FHM spread that still haunts my dreams.

But I do love the shoes...

Oh, and her chicken saltimboca.

photos courtesy of esquire.com

An Open Letter to That Girl on the Bus Yesterday

Dear Unknown Chick on the Bus Yesterday:

I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I wanted to let you know that certain things are simply not acceptable in a polite society when you are above the age of fifteen. One of those things is walking around on a Monday with a neck so full of hickeys that it looks as though you were attacked by a vacuum cleaner.

Now, I know that you may having been living it up on Saturday at Town Hall, The Deck, Smith Point (for old times sake) or wherever else the Late Night Shots crew has decided to grace with their presence. And I know that perhaps that last sour apple martini may have clouded your judgment enough that you hooked up with that guy wearing Topsiders and the pink polo.

And that's all well and good.

Kudos!

But here's the deal. It is no longer okay to make a half hearted attempt at covering up the hematomas of early Sunday morning with a popped collar.

So, unless you have a clotting disorder or something (and even if you do!), heed my advice....get thee to some concealer!

Seriously. I heartily recommend investing in some Dermablend if you are ever planning on hooking up with Mr. Hoover Mouth ever again. But honestly, just go with what you've got in the house! Spackle it on. At least it will look like you made an effort.

Okay, so anyways, I liked your bracelet watch, but do something about the neck. Unless, of course, I have this all wrong and you have some sort of cancer or something. In which case, I apologize and take back everything I just said. Get well soon!

Peace out.

Caphillbarbie.

Feel Free to Ogle the Lawmakers

The Hill has released the annual 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill Issue!!

Wow, sometimes I think my standards for "news" are super low...

If you are on the Hill, or just wandering around the Hill aimlessly as a tourist (someone at the corner of Independence and New Jersey Aves yesterday asked me, "where is the Capitol?" I refrained from laughing at her openly as she seemed sufficiently sheepish when I pointed at the huge white dome right in front of her) pick up a copy!

Or, if you are stuck at your desk until hell freezes over check it out online at the link above.

logo courtesy of thehill.com

Sheer Insanity

In the weeks before the blitzkreig that has been my job lately, I was sampling lipsticks.

Not just any lipsticks. Sheer lipsticks.

I have a certain phobia about putting a heavy matte color from a tube on my mouth. I blame my mother and the time she dressed me up as a clown for Halloween.

It's probably not the reason, but it could be!

For that reason, I've always gravitated towards glosses. Their sheer sparklyness just fit my expectations of what my lips should look like.

But there are downsides, namely: the stickiness, the constant need for reapplication, the fact that my boyfriend refuses to kiss me when I wear it, you know, the usual. But the alternative was too much to bear.

So in recent months, I have noticed a proliferation of sheer lipsticks that seem like the answers to my prayers. Sheer, lightweight, color with some sparkle that goes on with the elegance of a lipstick without the spine tingling fear that usually accompanies it.

Here are a few of my favorites in the category:

Vincent Longo Baby Balm - it's called Baby Balm! How cute is that? And it has SPF...

Clinique Almost Lipstick - the Black Honey color is a true classic, and looks good on everyone. While that is rarely true, it's dead on here.

NARS Sheer Lipstick -not all of them are sheer, but the ones that are are fantastic. I love Dolce Vita and Roman Holiday which gives a beautiful baby pink mouth WITHOUT the chalky-ness of the Proenza Pink.

Laura Mercier Lip Stain - Ok, this one isn't in a stick, but the colors are cool and elegant looking, and that makes up for it.

I'm thinking about buying myself a new color for fall as a present once recess starts, but I'm definitely going to save the glosses for girl's nights out, that way, it will have worn off before I ask for a goodnight kiss.

photos courtesy of lauramercier.com and sephora.com

Necessary and Proper

My beauty necessities to get through the next few weeks before recess...

Neutrogena Acne Stress Control Treatment

Jameson Irish Whiskey

Is that wrong?

photos courtesy of drugstore.com and winebeers.com

A First Time for Everything

Yesterday, I bought my very first piece of a Target capsule line!

Yay for me!

While I dutifully have checked out almost all of the GO International lines, and even tried on a few items, nothing has grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me around, and screamed "Buy Me!!"

Until I was in the tomato red dressing room in Rockville slipping on a pair of Libertine navy blue shorts with embroidered skulls and whales on them.

First of all, I don't really look great in shorts. But I love the concept and the look on others, therefore I try them on in stores all over the world, look terrible and get depressed. Much ice cream eating and self flagellation shortly ensures.

Second of all, I usually don't like what J. Crew affectionately calls "critter shorts." I leave them to interns and pages from New England liberal arts colleges who think they are appropriate for casual Fridays (they aren't!).

But these were so different...they looked good! And the "critters" were slightly subversive, the skulls tempering the sugary sweet whales (Ha ha! Listen to my mad Top Chef skillz!)

Totally high off of my victory over shorts-dom, I kept on wandering and stumbled on the Devi Kroell accessories collection. While I've been drooling over her snakeskin bags at Barney's since they showed up (note to all, the salespeople at Barney's do not look fondly on plebians drooling on expensive handbags. Actually, they would probably prefer that you not engage in any bodily functions in the store, like sneezing, coughing, or breathing) but it would take me selling an egg or a kidney or some other organ to be able to afford one.

Unfortunately, the bigger bags in the collection were not great looking. But there was one pochette left in the dark grey and I snapped it up. In the smaller size, the metallic faux skin looks great, but it doesn't translate to the ginormous big bag.

So...I considered this a successful afternoon. In fact, no ice cream or whip necessary!

photos courtesy of target.com

Tis the Season

Everywhere I look lately, I see pregnant women! Seriously, it looks like it was a very busy winter in Washington!

And while motherhood is wonderful, blah blah blah, I cannot imagine being stuck in this insane heat carrying a whole extra person, nevermind the increased blood volume, the 1 lb placenta, amniotic fluid, etc. (I had a friend who would break out her weight gain during pregnancy just about every week. The numbers stuck.)

So, I would like to give a big shoutout to all the mommies-soon-to-be and wanted to compliment one in particular that I saw on the elevator.

While this woman looked as though she was about to burst forth with a wee one between floors two and three, she also looked cool, calm, and comfortable in her blue madras tank dress and chic flat gladiator sandals.

Kudos to you, mystery chic pregnant woman! I hope you give birth soon...at least the hospital will be super air conditioned.

Lessons Learned

I'd say that June was kind of an odd month for me. Due to a kidney stone "the size of an M&M" (I think I asked the doctor, plain or peanut?) I spent a lot of time on my couch watching tv.

Well, June is apparently bride month on TV. Especially the Style Network.

So I've pretty much watched every episode of Whose Wedding is it Anyways ever created. As I'm someone who generally thinks of the Big Day as that Tuesday in November, it was quite informative. And I learned some valuable lessons for planning my own wedding.

• If anyone uses the words "princess," "diva," or "bling" in my presence, I will shoot first and ask questions later.
• I don't care who considers this a tradition, there is no way my fiance is sticking his hands up my dress in front of 180 people
• Color coordinated tie backs make me gag.
• The "theme" of my wedding will be "I'm getting married"
• Fondant. Yecch.

On the slightly less misanthropic side of things, here are some other details I gleaned:

• Every girl looks beautiful when she pops out in her wedding dress, and her mother will cry.
• The tasting is clearly the most fun part of the entire planning process, if only because it will be the only thing my fiance gets excited about.
• Lighting is KEY. Apparently. Everyone tells me this.
• Mani-pedi is a necessity so at least I'll be forced to make time in my schedule before the Big Day.
• Wait a second, people give you gifts? Awesome.

For those of you who've done this before (or several times before, I don't judge!) let me in on a key secret to a successful wedding plan. Besides first getting lithotripsy and hoarding the Vicodin.

P.S. Also totally excited by niche beauty market like this Bridal Palette from Bobbi Brown....

Nice & Easy

This weekend I did something I almost never do.

What, you ask? Sleep til 11? Pretend to clean my apartment and end up watching TV and reading magazines? Drink white wine in place of dinner? Nope, I do that stuff all the time!

I returned a beauty product.

Insert gasps of shock and awe here.

Typically, when I don't love a beauty product, I sort of suck it up and move on, or try to find another home for it with a friend or loved one. Somewhere where it will have lots of room to run around and play. Or, I leave it languishing underneath my sink until I move and throw everything away in a fit.

But not this time. This time, I was mad.

I saw an article about Bumble and Bumble's Curl Conscious Curl Creme in the July issue of Washingtonian magazine and got all hot and bothered about it. It seemed so effortless to make easy frizz free waves! But this is also the magazine that devoted an entire issue to how rich Washingtonians are without a single mention of how the other half (actually, a lot of DC) struggles to make ends meet.

So, the Curl Creme sort of made me look like that time I accidentally washed my hair with hand lotion instead of shampoo. I think I'll just stick to trusting their restaurant reviews from now on.

So, I returned the offending hair product and coughed up a little extra to trade up to the Laura Mercier Metallic Creme Eye Colour (yes, British spelling. I can't get Blogger to make the accent grave in "creme" though.) I originally had my heart set on Mercury, a silvery purple, but they were out of it, so I picked Titanium, a grey-purple, instead.

I've been pretty pleased so far. The creme goes on easily and blends really well, leaving a light veil of shimmery color that doesn't crease or smudge. With a little extra layer or a swipe of my purple crayon-esque Sephora liner, it morphs into a fast evening look, which will make it tops on my list for travel and for those days when you have to go all day to different events and can only carry one small purse. (seriously, they should have a beauty Olympics. that kind of day would be like the biathalon, a.k.a. the awesomest event EVER)

So, I guess the moral of my story is, if at first you believe the lousy beauty advice of a magazine and buy a dud, return it and try, try again!

photo courtesy of lauramercier.com