Friday, February 08, 2008

Project Runway: Raw Talent

Ok, ok, ok. I know that I haven't recapped the last episode. I'm exercising my Mulligan card and just skipping it. Not just because I've been busy, but because I would actually pretend that it didn't happen and that Victorya just disappeared, like my goldfish from third grade.

So, at this opener, we are greeted with Heidi again telling the designers that they will go on a field trip...tomorrow.


For the sake of narrative, just lie to us. Tell us this is happening now. I mean, c'mon.

Oh, and Ricky stays with his model who has one of the most outrageous noses I've ever seen. I'm not saying it doesn't work for her, I'm just

So the next morning, Tim leads the designers downstairs with Christian chirping "Is it fierce?" the whole way. Apparently this is his version of "are we there yet?"

Inside the runway room the designers hear grunts and shrieks which everyone says sounds like someone being tortured, except for Christian who says it sounds like sex noises. Clearly, Christian has never had sex. Or has sex I don't want to think about.

Upon entering, we see that the clients are not having sex, but are, in fact, wrestling! Which they do for a living! In stripper clothes!

That's right...they are the Divas of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Because they are no longer allowed to call themselves the WWF since they lost that lawsuit to the World Wildlife Fund.

So, the challenge is this: design an outfit for each WWE Diva to wear in the ring to fit her "character."

They get to confab with their Diva and then it is off to...I shit you not...the House of Spandex to buy fabric.

Chris and Christian hit the ground running on this one, the former going with an allegedly green (I have HD and I swear that looked yellow to me) leopard print fabric and the latter choosing to do a black leather and lace bonanza. Jillian, clearly sounding like she would rather be back on East Egg in her madras shorts, picks a Diva with an All American sportly style, and goes for a metallic blue shiny fabric. Ricky gets an assload of orange and gold. Whatevs.

Sweet P and Rami really seem to flounder, with Rami picking hot pink stretchness and Sweet P picking a Reynolds Wrap looking fabric.

The stitching sessions are greatly enhanced by the appearance of the Divas for a fitting. They seem almost normal until they whip off their clothes and model the teeny tiny stretchy outfits. Rami eeks out a "you're so toned!" while poking his Diva in the stomach muscles.

During the work sessions, most people seem to be swimming along except Sweet P who is having real issues making anything other than a bandeau top and mini shorts. Her Diva asks her to whore up the outfit with some spangles or feathers, but P balks. Hell, even Tim tried to help. it was just a holographic tin foil nightmare.

Ricky seems content to just bliss out while making what looked like a standard off the rack piece for Everything but the Water, while Christian tried shooting him the look of "you suck" with his eyes.

Onto the runway! Where Michael Kors is just flabbergasted that there are women with actual boobs! And hips! Oh, the humanity!

Top: Jillian, Christian, Ricky

Bottom: Sweet P, Chris, Rami

Christian's Diva just loves hers to death. It's very the artist-formerly-known-as-meets-Professional-Bull-Riding. With boobs.

Jillian's outfit is turning out much better than anticipated, a lot like a boxer's outfit with the short shorts and tie waist. Even the strappy bra top really makes the Diva's torso look leaner and longer than before. However, when she turned around, I think my fiance's eyeballs popped out of their sockets and cried, "I mean! That is butt crease! On network TV!"

Chris's outfit is simply genious and fits the model like a dream. The Diva plyaed up the sass factor, but her shorts were the best of the bunch, not airbrushed on, in black sparkles and the leopard top didn't make her look like she was falling out of anything. And that garter knife thing made it look like she was about to go nijna on their collective asses! Mostly, though, it makes me think I need to hit the gym more often.

Poor Sweet P. Getting the worst take down of the show so far, her model says to her, "it looks like I could have bought it at the stripper store." Note the use of "THE stripper store." Not "A stripper store." There is one stripper store in particular that this woman frequents.

Speaking of strippers, Rami takes his hot pink fabric and makes a hot pink mess. There is this Barbarella meets Barbie bra top and this old lady swimwear skirt which reveals a pair of tiny shorts. Very Debbie Does the Flintstones.

Ricky's outfit ends up looking like his Diva decided to wear boots and fishnets to the beach. Wrapped in one of those foil things they hand out to people who have just finished a marathon. But, god bless his hats, he is just pleased as punch with himself.

The judging comes to pass, and the consensus is that Nina HATESHATESHATES Rami's color choice. He notes that he knew it would be controversial. Like the death penalty and the U.S. stance on torture level controversial. I think Chris Matthews will be talking about it tonight actually.

Ricky gets body slammed (i couldn't help myself!) for it just being a bathing suit with a gold thingy. Sweet P gets the predictable gouges for it not being dramatic enough. Apparently disco balls are no longer dramatic? Huh?

The toss up on the win is clearly between Chris and Christian, and Chris pulls it out! I felt good for him. This outfit was pretty rocking. Chris does his sad face, but c'mon man, you're doing fine. Jillian was set up a possible win here, but that was just for show, I think.

Rami, Sweet P and Ricky are up on the chopping block, with Rami getting the stay early. Sweet P eventually gets let off the hook, but just barely. That leaves Ricky to cry it out on stage alone....

Poor kid. Maybe he can make a hat from the extra gold fabric.

As always, Blogging Project Runway has all the shizz including links to the final collections! Also, I heard that all five of the designers showed at Fashion Week this morning...and that Rami and Christian are the clear favorites for top two...

Do you think they all made it? How many decoys?


anastasia said...

Ricky hat comment = PRICELESS.

Hey, you might have seen Jillian's model's butt crease, but I somehow don't think that's half as bad as Wendy Pepper sending the model down the runway in the model's own thong. Sigh.

My take here.

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