Thursday, August 10, 2006

Project Runway: Iconic Statement

Or as I like to call it, "The Day The Judges Woke Up and Realized that Michael is AWESOME."

We kick started this episode with a round of Previouslies showing us that Angela pulled a miraculous victory out of her ass and that the other outfits for Macy's were very dull. Oh, and Bonnie went home.

After some wakey-wakey scenes at the apartment, the designers meet Heidi on the runway where she announces that the models get to choose the designers this time!! Oh, snap! Vincent whines that he is not in enough control of this situation. Oh please! Like the voices in his head haven't been driving that bus from the start! Then there is the randomness that the two models are eliminated becuase their button doesn't get pulled from the bag earlier (that sounds vaguely dirty, but I swear I didn't mean it that way).

THEN! The models choose the fashion icon that their designer would update. And by choose, I mean rip each other limb from limb to get a card with that person's picture on it and almost stampede over poor, poor Tim Gunn in the process.

After a quick spin around Mood, it's back to the Sweatshop for some bitching and some sewing.

The drama here revolves around Bitchy Pants Angela's ineptitude with the sewing machine (keep in mind here that the last thing I did with a sewing machine had to be cut away from my favorite sweater after I sewed myself to the machine, so I'm really in no position to talk, but whatever). Apparently she keeps breaking them and then moving to another machine, so Bradley gets all passive aggressive and quiet. So Jeffrey carpe-s the diem, and goes ballistic on her ass for screwing everyone up. Then Laura gets in on the act and basically calls Jeffrey out on being a total asshat. Then Jeffrey puts a hex on her, wishing for a stroke. If I were Laura, I would start taking my Plavix now. Michael hangs back, wishing everyone would just get along.

So in the end the lineup is thus:

Robert is designing for Jackie O. Great fit, no? Except that he makes this kind of floppy linen skirt suit with a little camisole. Like Tim with the models, he gets torn apart by the judges for being boring and designing something that Jackie would have thought was sloppy looking.

Personally, I would not want to be re-doing Jackie in front of Michael Kors since every collection he does is about her on some level. Mercifully, Bradley and Vincent make such horrific garments that Robert is spared. I'm glad he is still here, but dude! Cut it out with the sunglasses while you are inside! The stage lights aren't that bright.

Kayne is designing for Marilyn Monroe, and he squealed with delight when he found out he had her. I thought he would have preferred Cher, and my suspiscions were confirmed when I saw him playing dress-up with the black fabric. (I'm sure he wept a little on the inside when saw what Bradley made for her.) Also, his model was quite the little chatterbox! Revoke my feminism card, but seriously, you are a living breathing walking hanger. Be seen and skinny, not heard. But holy emerging as a true contender, Batman! Kayne whips out a Goth-y slinky dress for his modern-day-Marilyn. And NinaGarcia cracks the Botox to relish compliments on Kayne.

I could totally hear gay hearts all across America collectively scream when they heard that Bradley didn't know who Cher was. Even Tim Gunn was shocked (he says so in his blog). I can't even talk about his outfit it was so weird. Talking about it brings me back to the bad place with the model and her crotch-pants. Moving on!

Jeffrey was obviously too busy taking out his rage on Angela to make something for Madonna. His outfit kind of looked like an S&M superhero costume. Definitely not in line with her current image. Tim pointed out that Jeffrey cribbed some notes from Angela and made a bubble skirt!! Oh, so devilish. I thought Jeffrey kind of sucked in this challenge, but he was up late practicing his voodoo to give Angela and Laura CVAs.

Alison was tasked with giving Farrah Fawcett a revamp. Uhhhh.... Since when is she a fashion icon? I felt like humming, "one of these things is not like the other ones, one of these things just doesn't belong," every time they came back to Alison. I mean, a hairstyle is one thing, but let's not throw around the word 'iconic' like that. It makes Audrey look cheap. But Alison put together a cute dress that looked vaguely 70's, so she gets to stay.

Ohhhh.....Vincent. Crazy does not even begin to describe what went on here. He was alive when Twiggy was so hot!! Christ, just rip off something from the Austin Powers archives! This isn't that difficult! His model looked like a Holly Hobby doll. And I'm not quite sure what one of those looks like. I sometimes feel like Vincent works very hard to make his things that ugly. Maybe that's why he is still here. Work ethic. I also enjoyed DVF telling Vincent that Twiggy was still alive (although she didn't add that she's judging America's Next Top Model, no gratuitous shilling for other reality shows). He has got to go. Soon.

Laura pulled out one of her good looking pants suits to reimagine Kate Hepburn. Booooorrrrrinnng. I didn't really think that this was all that difficult and Laura just seemed to fly under the radar. She would rather make a splash in the Sweatshop by yelling at everyone. Also, I heard she was pregnant during production! Where did she hide that thing? She must be huffing Clomid or something because I've never heard of someone so fertile. She is like 42 and on her sixth kid! No wonder she had no room in her heart to love the dogs, she's thinking up ways to give her husband a vasectomy with Tweezermans and the Shu Uemura eyelash curler.

Uli designed for Diana Ross and made a faboo purple patterned swirly dress. This was obviously a take off from her disco days, but it would have been cool to see a remake of her Supremes outfits. Fortunately there was no grabbing of boobs or kiwis on the eyelids. We remember Diana as she was, not how she is.

Angela. Crap. I really liked her dress. Crapcrapcrap! I really don't want to be saying this. But it was really pretty, and wearable. Ugh! I'm going to go flog myself like the albino monk in The DaVinci Code. I feel dirty all over.

Ahhhh, Michael....

This was totally his episode. Nazri was all about picking him, and totally brought home the bacon by picking Pam Grier. Michael picked an awesome pink fabric and got to work on his confection. When the skirt ended up looking totally hootch, he whipped up a sweet pair of matching hot pants! While Tim acknowledged that he hates hot pants with every fiber of his being, he said they are in, and modern. DVF was all, "If it weren't for my sclerodermy appointment yesterday, I would rip those off Nazri and hightail it to Studio 54 right now!" And Nina and MK were just tickled pink (pun intended) by Michael. He wins hands down, and does a little fashion designer version of an end zone dance on the runway.

Backstage, everyone looks genuinely happy for Michael and you want to yell at Angela, "See!!! When you are a good person and you deserve to win, people are happy for you!! They don't try to stuff your rosettes down your throat. Oh sorry, fleurettes." But I have a feeling she's sticking around for a while. Sigh.

Another gripe: can we get some new commericals? I mean, I get that there are only like four sponsors, but you would think that they could come up with at least 3 commercials each for the whole season. I'm so tired of the faux Macy's runway, the makeup dude telling me to test drugstore foundations on my jaw (uhhh, CVS would be pretty mad at me if I did that), and ads for Bravo TV shows that I refuse to watch, like Work Out and Million Dollar Listing. Sick!! And another thing, why no high definition?

Ok, I'm spent.

As always, check out Tim's Take and Blogging Project Runway for all the dish.


Big Sky Girl said...

I truly hate Angela as well. Right now, I'm hoping the final three are Michael, Kayne and Uli. Though Alison is kind of adorable.

Anonymous said...

Alison is adorable. And talented. I think she's got a win in her.

Michael should be in the top three. I'm waffling between Kayne, Uli, Alison, and Laura for the other top spots.

Robert's designs lack ooomph. And Vincent, well, he should've hung on to his 401 K, 'cause he's gonna need it.

And Angela? Watching her is like watching a car crash at a slow but loopy speed. You just can't help but stare with your mouth hanging open.

funconditional said...

This is my first time reading your recap, and I love your sense of humor. You gotta admit though, as much as you may dislike Angela, watching her is never a dull moment.

Fitzgerald said...

I want to be able to watch that victory dance whenever I want on my computer. Michael rocks! :-)

caphillbarbie said...

I know! That's the rub of reality television. The people you hate the most are what make it so much fun to watch!

Angela reminds me of this Far Side cartoon I saw once entitled "Giorgio Armani at home." The caption was under a picture of a slovenly man in an undershirt sitting in a trash strewn apartment eating fried chicken. The joke was obviously that it would be ridiculous for someone so gross to make such elegant sleek clothes like Armani (and we call know that he is nothing like that picture in the cartoon!)

When I looked at Angela on the runway next to her dress, I was reeling from the sheer cognitive dissonance of it all. Reeling, I tell you!

jen said...

You know, I'd been thinking that the final three would be Michael, Robert, and Uli, but with the last couple of designs Rob's done? I'm thinking Kayne'll make it instead of him. These three designers are the only ones who have churned out consistently fabulous and well-constructed work. (I thought Alison's dress this week was pretty blah, and I honestly didn't like her dog challenge outfit as much as everyone else did.)

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