In a Different World

I am a big fan of recognizing one's own limitations.

For instance, I wish that I was the kind of bride who really wanted to get married on the beach or city hall or in a garden with just my immediate family and buy a gown off the rack.

I really do.

But I'm not.  I wanted multiple fittings and trunk shows.  And I'm ok with that.

But if I was that kind of bride, here are two dresses that I would be actively considering:

JCrew, Lisette Gown, $2000

Go Green Go by Phillip Lim, One Shoulder Gown, $995

By the way...consider almost all posts from here on out about weddings in some fashion.  It takes over you brain!

photos courtesy of jcrew.com and barneys.com

Bridal Trial and Error

About a month ago, I had my hair and makeup trial for my wedding. 

I have to say, I was pretty nervous about it.

Most of the pictures that I saw in magazines were of women with shellacked hair, smokey eyes and squidgy looking lipgloss.  And I don't know about you, but my fiance would run the other way if I came down the aisle looking like that.

So when the hair and makeup artist showed up, I immediately started babbling about "natural" makeup and wanting "hair that wasn't crunchy."  They looked a little bewildered at first, but my mom calmed them down and let them know that I wasn't a Linda Blair-bride or something.

First came makeup.  The artist used a face primer and a lip scuffer to smooth out my chapped lips. She used MAC foundation and concealer (the same one I use!) and a fabulous combination of grey and pink eyeshadows with a little black eyeliner near the lashes.  She used a Mary Kay mascara in black on my lashes to finish the look.

The effect was really great.  

I looked like me.  Only better.

The last part of the picture was the lipstick.  The artist used a magenta-ey pink Mary Kay shade that I just didn't love.  As a devotee of pale pink glosses, the lipstick felt heavy handed to me.  And way too dark.  She explained that you need a brighter lip color for photographs, but the color never felt right to me.

Meanwhile, on my head....

The hair stylist began her work.  She immediately proclaimed that my hair was too soft and silky to hold a curl (damn you, Pantene!  You make my hair too soft for it's own good!!).  

She made do, curling my hair into soft waves and pulling half back into a little twist.  While the effect was perfect, especially with my dress (I had a fitting an hour after the trial) it wasn't smooth sailing.

There was a lot of hair spray involved in this process, and the curl started to come out even as she stood there.  

The prescription for what ails my hair?  No conditioner. 

How is that going to work?  I have to wash my hair that day.  In fact, I have to wash my hair every day.  I seriously can't not wash my hair.  She told me I could use a little light leave in conditioner, but that was it...

(did you like that double negative, mmm, weddings have made me dumb)

So.  Help me out people!  Does anyone have a recommendation for me?   Leave in conditioner, maybe even a spray?  Help a sister out!

Spring Shoe Porn!

At two price points:

Manolo Blahnik at a crushing $585

JCrew at a slightly less eye-popping $198

photos courtesy of neimanmarcus.com and jcrew.com

Let's File Under "Poor Idea"

I was never a big fan of the shoe bootie trend, or as I like to call them, "shooties."

It looks cool on the runway.  I'll give you that.

However, on anyone who ISN'T five foot ten and 100 lbs, it's just a one way ticket to looking dumb.

But now, the evil fashion industry who hates us has foisted another trend upon us.

The O-shootie.

That's right.  

The open toed shoe bootie.

Oh yeah.  Get a load of this.  Not only do they expect you to wear a shoe that is guaranteed to make your legs look short, stumpy and fat...they want your toes squishing out of them!

There are only four things that are certain in life:

Death

Taxes

Ralph Nader losing yet another election

and this trend making someone look like a fool.

photos courtesy for stylebytes.com and thetrendsetter.wordpress.com

Ultra Monday

As I type this, it's T minus 15 minutes and counting until The Hills season continuation premiere!

But I want to tell you about something else.  Something serious.  A new facial cleanser on the market!

Last week, I stopped into Kiehl's to pick up my favorite cleanser, the Washable Face Milk and I also snagged some samples of the brand spanking new Ultra Facial Cleanser.

Since I also regularly use the company's Ultra Facial Cream, I was pretty psyched to make all the bottles on my sink match.

Honestly?  I wish I could tell you that I loved it.

Well, I could.

But I would be lying.

It comes out looking like shampoo, very viscous and cloudy looking.  And it feels like honey spreading onto your face.  I happen to prefer a little less work in the evenings to get my cleanser on my face.

It lathers up really well once you start rinsing it off, but I felt it took a lot to get it all off my face.  And then my face didn't feel squeaky clean.

To be sure, it was a little disappointing.  

But then again, I'm sure The Hills will be too.  I heard Justin Bobby is back though!  Maybe not so disappointing....

photo courtesy of kiehls.com

I Swear

I swear to all that is holy to me (re: Prada) ... if I have to read one more fawning, obsequious article about Dennis Kucinich and his wife Elizabeth and about how they fondle each other just everywhere they go ... I will just go postal.

I get it!

He's an elfin, twice married, twice divorced, UFO sighting peacemonger vegan who met and married a tall pretty red-haired Brit and they just can't keep their unevenly matched attractiveness hands off each other!

GAG.

This, somehow, is news fodder for MONTHS.

(fyi...this all comes after belatedly reading my March issue of Elle Magazine and wasted ten minutes of commercial time reading a five page spread on the couple)

Guess what?!?

Washington is over it.

And the rest of the country couldn't care less!

Please.  Media.  Stop.  Seriously.  Mainstream media.  STOP.

Now excuse me while I yak.

Read All About It!

Big News Day!!

And, no, I'm not talking about Jim McGreevy's former limo driver revealing that he had a threesome with the couple.  But that was some pretty awesome reading.

First up!

Gap is launching the second Design Editions line!  Last year, the white shirts designed by Rodarte, Doo.Ri and Thakoon flew off the shelves...mostly because I grabbing them.  This year's designers include 3.1 Phillip Lim, Band of Outsiders, Threeasfour, Phillip Crangi and Michael Bastien.  Yum yum yum!

As for the Hills alumnas:

Lauren Conrad's collection was positively panned by the Fug Girls.

Whitney Port's line was mostly well received.

And Heidi Montag continues her shame spiral (or what should be a shame spiral) with this collection of pure evil.

It's like hooker wear.  Only cheaper.  And sluttier.

And...Botkier will design the next line of handbags for Target!

Whew...now back to reading tawdry stories about the secret lives of governors.

Going to Pot

This past week I had the distinct pleasure of going out after having a full hour or so to get ready!

That's right...no glancing in the mirror three minutes before departure time and swiping on a little blush and praying that the bar will be dark and everyone will be liquored before I get there.

Nope.

I tried on three pairs of shoes!

And, I got to play with a MAC Paint Pot!

One of the Fafi Collection, I tested out Cash Flow, a straight up gold cream shadow with a hint of a green undertone.

The shadow is what is really awesome.

It goes on smoothly (I used my fingers, I didn't have THAT much time on my hands) and pretty sheerly.  This is especially since it looks like the mud of the Dead Sea in the pot.

I was able to layer it on a little at a time and make it darker by my lash line and sheerer up near my brows.

With a heavy coat of mascara, I was good to go!

After a night at Marvin dealing with some guy who just swore he knew me from somewhere (hey, buddy, maybe I'm just kind of generic looking?) I got home and there was nary a crease in sight!  This stuff is strong...but it slid right off with a little of my trusty Almay remover.

As is my vice, I eyed a few other colors that might get added to my stash, including Artifact, Greenscape and Moss Scape.

Wow, so much for any resolution to save and not buy more makeup, right?

Responsible Makeup

One of my favorite parts of the movie Clueless is when Cher stomps around her room before her driving test whining for her white collarless shirt from Fred Segal...her most capable looking outfit.

Call me what you will, but I truly believe that clothes can make the difference between looking capable in a certain I-really-won't-send-your-office-into-a-shame-spiral.

The same could be said for makeup.

When prepping for an event when "capable" is the image you need to project, it's important to look polished and pretty, but without crossing into sexy territory.

And let me tell you, there are people who think the slightest hint of tackiness in you lipgloss means that you will spend more time picking your hair out of your gloss than writing briefs to win that motion for summary judgement.

Here is my formula for impressing the higher ups:

A light pink, natural looking blush like NARS in Sin, which, despite its name, looks dark enough that no one will worry about you sinking the company health plan with the pernicious anemia, but not so dark that you look like a tavern girl in an old Western movie.

A blend of brown eyeshadows. Usually, I like to layer my MAC Shadesticks in Beig-ing and Cement or a combination of Vincent Longo Baby Love and Sweet Dreams.

A light coat of mascara. Waterproof. Strongest you've got. No whore eyes here.

On the lips, tread very carefully. Keep your lips shiny, but not sticky. Natural colors. This is not the time to test out that lastest Juicy Tube in Poppy Pink or whatever. I will often just use a swipe of Rosebud Salve, but on days when I need a little more color (interviews can make me go paler than I already am), I use a little Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey or Prada Lip Balm #4.

The most important thing is to look nice and well put together, because Lord knows, if you can't put on your makeup...well, it may be terrible and prejudicial and trite...but can you really handle everything else?

XXL - The Redux

I stopped by my local CVS this weekend for the usual...some Cottonelle (yeah, that's right, I'm a sucker for the Zack Braff puppy commercials)...peruse some magazines without buying...and cruise out the mascara aisle.

I needed a replacement for my recently beloved Maybelline XXL, and I was prepared to simply buy the same one...until I noticed that they were on sale for buy-one-get-one-free!

Sweeet....

I picked out the Curl Power version and tried it this morning.

The first thing I noticed was that the primer is a light purple. That threw me a little bit. The second thing is that the curved brush takes a little getting used to.

I had trouble depositing enough mascara on my lashes, so I ended up looking a little weird today. But I'm willing to try again.

I think I noticed a little extra curl in the lashes when I put on the primer, but that could just be wishful thinking. (Does anyone else think that curling mascaras are a bunch of hooey? It's the Barnum Effect of beauty.)

My second choice was the Intense XXL, hopefully it will give me what the Curl Power lacks...

Will report back!

photo courtesy of maybelline.com

Support a Good Cause

I always feel like breast cancer gets the lion's share of the colorful, research-money dedicated products, considering everything in October is painted pink. While I would never choose one disease over another, I was alerted that theBalm was creating a limited edition version of their lipgloss to benefit the efforts of the NYC Chapter of the National MS society in honor of National Multiple Sclerosis Education and Awareness Week (March 10th-17th) called KISS MS GOODBYE.




During the month of March, theBalm will donate 25% of proceeds from the sale of this shade- a wearable coral hue infused with SPF 17 and a delicious strawberry banana scent- to the cause. The New York City Chapter of the National MS Society helps the thousands of New Yorkers impacted by MS to move their lives forward. They provide comprehensive support services and educational programs to people with MS, their family and friends, and raise funds locally to support the National MS Society’s research initiatives.



I'm a huge fan of theBalm's lipglosses, with their sheer sparkly shades and incredible scent. Seriously, it's actually kind of hard to stop licking your lips. So I fully endorse a purchase of a lipgloss so good that does good. And, multiple sclerosis research is a wonderful cause to support. (Full disclosure, I have a friend who suffers from the disease.)



Of course, if you would make a donation instead of buying a lipgloss, or simply learn more, please visit The New York City Chapter of the National MS Society.

Deep Thoughts by CapHillBarbie

Do you ever wonder whose job it is to pry eye shadows from their cases into little lozenges of powder to be photographed for magazines?

Do you think it takes practice?

There must be an art to getting it crumbled just so.

Do you think they have a separate person to remove lipstick from the tube?

Or artfully squeeze shower gel into the perfect, alluring swirl?

I sometimes do.

Fafi Mania

I've always had a rather complicated relationship with MAC Cosmetics.


When I first got interested in makeup and would wander the cosmetics floor, I was always intimidated by the MAC counter. They were always mobbed by girls who looked infinitely cooler than me, bedecked in the latest Betsey Johnson looks, being made up by makeup artists who looked like they walked in from a music video.

Let's just say I bonded with the Clinique lady in those early years. And wore a lot of Gap.

But, as I've grown, I've become more confident in approaching the MAC counters, and lately, their collections have been really bold...maybe still a little too bold for me.

The latest collection, Fafi, is a collaboration with a French graffiti artist whose work is like a combination of Japanese anime and Lisa Youskavage...except with the sexuality dialed WAY down.

The collection itself is a panoply of bright vibrant colors, many bordering on unwearable...unless you work at a MAC counter. However, there are some diamonds among the neon jewelry.



My favorites are the Fafi Eyes 1, a quad of two nude shades, a sheer grey and a light pink, great for doing a light daytime look or a smoky night eye and the Fashion Frenzy blush, a bright pink that makes me look like I actually am awake for once.

The best part might actually be the packaging in this case. Decorated with Fafi's work, they are little works of art on your bathroom counter. Tres chic. Makes me feel like I've got the best Betsey Johnson and the coolest Doc Martins.

Did I mention I was a teenager in the 90's? Do I have to?

Plus, it's just so much fun to say Fafi...


photos courtesy of maccosmetics.com

CapHillBarbie Down

I know I am woefully behind on PR recaps and haven't told you about my bridal hair and makeup trial, but I've been felled by a nasty sore throat.

I promise to catch up soon!

In the meantime, enjoy some of the web content I've been enjoying:

Trying to find the perfect shade of makeup when the spectrum doesn't cover your skin color in New York Magazine...

The yummy Tory Burch spring/summer line, especially this dress

The dresses from the Banana Republic spring line, which I will be more likely to be able to afford....

The Other Boleyn Girl! The dishiest read about 16th century royals EVER is now a movie! It's like Gossip Girl on an acid flashback.

Ok, off to gargle with ice cold vodka...I mean...warm salt water

Good Morning Internet!

Hello...I apologize for the radio silence lately.

I've spent the past week chez the 'rents for a wild week of wedding planning, visiting friends and general lounging time.

The highlights?

Braving the Barney's Warehouse Sale (albeit on the 6th day after opening) and having to sift through racks upon racks of Kate Moss for Topshop, which was practically discounted to a price-per-pound levels, to find a sweet pair of brown flat boots at half off.

Discussing with my father, fiance, brother, mother, sister, and the hair and makeup team for the wedding whether we thought LiLo's boobs were real or fake. (The verdict? Too saggy to be fake.)

Eating dinner while sitting across from David Schwimmer and not really noticing because the food was so awesome.

Finding out that I still fit into my wedding dress despite horrible holiday eating (whew...)

That's all for now! Will post more about my hair and makeup trial soon...

Exciting News!

Topshop will finally arrive stateside this fall!

Yes, at long last, the UK haven for all clothes trendy and cheap will land here and promises to infiltrate and conquer our shores like the colonial bastards they are.

(I'm totally kidding, we can't have a little friendly rivalry Britain? Oh...still pissed about that Revolution thing? Sorry...)

That's right. New York Magazine is reporting that construction has already begun on a SoHo store which will emulate the London flagship, complete with a sweets shop and Kate Moss's unfortunate line. Also, another two stores are in the planning phases.

The best part?

The price points will be the same, but the prices themselves will be different.

Meaning that for anyone who has been to London, picked up a tag and said, "oh, a hundred for this dress that looks exactly like a Balenciaga, that's totally reasonable! Wait a second...that's a hundred POUNDS. That's like, TWO hundred dollars! Holy balls, that's expensive!" and promptly put the garment back on the rack, this is some pretty awesome news.

Looking forward to some serious shopping in the fall....

Dirty Little Secrets

Ok, this is the point in my life where I announce to the whole world my dirty secret.



Or at least the tiny part of the world who reads this thing.



I mean, it's not like Bob Packwood dirty or anything.



It's just one of those totally dorky little things I shouldn't be saying at my age, but here goes nothing.



I love Teen Vogue.



I don't subscribe. But I definitely buy it at least four times a year on the newstand.



Ok fine! Laugh it up. I'll admit that as I type these words, my face goes red and my head hangs in shame.



But you know what? It's got really cute clothes. At more attainable prices than Big Girl Vogue. And great ideas for mixing and matching high low fashion. It even has a cute article about transforming a girl's bedroom!



And to be perfectly honest, I can relate more to the article about private school kids who binge drink on the weekends than I can to an article about the latest wrinkle filler and fertility treatments.



This month, I found out that the "fashion line" in Gossip Girl is actually a real line called Lorick. She has a lot of sweet, slightly retro looks for spring, including this one...perfect for a relaxed spring day at the office with happy hour drinks later on a patio somewhere...



Plus, I really want the hair that the blonde from Gossip Girl has on the cover. My hair appointment is Friday.

Oh, please, who am I kidding. Serena. I want Serena van der Woodsen's hair.



And! It comes in a handy small size for purses...not that I would be seen reading it in public.


photo courtesy of loricknewyork.com

Pixel Pink!!

Yes, that's right.

I'm buying into the latest Pout a Porter publicity fest foisted on the beauty blogging world by Lancome.

Let's face it.

I'm kind of a whore for these things.

I was way too late to jump on the Behnaz bandwagon.

I got my ass handed to me by my readers for suggesting that I thought the Proenza Pink was cool.

I pined away for the PS Kiss until I got my hands on a tube and have been recieving rave reviews from everyone except the drinking glasses I've stained around my apartment.

And now, the last one is here and it's so pretty!

I'm planning on checking it out as soon as it hits the counters so I'll give you all a report asap!!

pictures courtesy of lancome-usa.com

Project Runway: Raw Talent

Ok, ok, ok. I know that I haven't recapped the last episode. I'm exercising my Mulligan card and just skipping it. Not just because I've been busy, but because I would actually pretend that it didn't happen and that Victorya just disappeared, like my goldfish from third grade.



So, at this opener, we are greeted with Heidi again telling the designers that they will go on a field trip...tomorrow.


GROAN.


For the sake of narrative, just lie to us. Tell us this is happening now. I mean, c'mon.

Oh, and Ricky stays with his model who has one of the most outrageous noses I've ever seen. I'm not saying it doesn't work for her, I'm just saying...wow.


So the next morning, Tim leads the designers downstairs with Christian chirping "Is it fierce?" the whole way. Apparently this is his version of "are we there yet?"



Inside the runway room the designers hear grunts and shrieks which everyone says sounds like someone being tortured, except for Christian who says it sounds like sex noises. Clearly, Christian has never had sex. Or has sex I don't want to think about.



Upon entering, we see that the clients are not having sex, but are, in fact, wrestling! Which they do for a living! In stripper clothes!


That's right...they are the Divas of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Because they are no longer allowed to call themselves the WWF since they lost that lawsuit to the World Wildlife Fund.

So, the challenge is this: design an outfit for each WWE Diva to wear in the ring to fit her "character."



They get to confab with their Diva and then it is off to...I shit you not...the House of Spandex to buy fabric.



Chris and Christian hit the ground running on this one, the former going with an allegedly green (I have HD and I swear that looked yellow to me) leopard print fabric and the latter choosing to do a black leather and lace bonanza. Jillian, clearly sounding like she would rather be back on East Egg in her madras shorts, picks a Diva with an All American sportly style, and goes for a metallic blue shiny fabric. Ricky gets an assload of orange and gold. Whatevs.



Sweet P and Rami really seem to flounder, with Rami picking hot pink stretchness and Sweet P picking a Reynolds Wrap looking fabric.



The stitching sessions are greatly enhanced by the appearance of the Divas for a fitting. They seem almost normal until they whip off their clothes and model the teeny tiny stretchy outfits. Rami eeks out a "you're so toned!" while poking his Diva in the stomach muscles.



During the work sessions, most people seem to be swimming along except Sweet P who is having real issues making anything other than a bandeau top and mini shorts. Her Diva asks her to whore up the outfit with some spangles or feathers, but P balks. Hell, even Tim tried to help. it was just a holographic tin foil nightmare.



Ricky seems content to just bliss out while making what looked like a standard off the rack piece for Everything but the Water, while Christian tried shooting him the look of "you suck" with his eyes.



Onto the runway! Where Michael Kors is just flabbergasted that there are women with actual boobs! And hips! Oh, the humanity!

Top: Jillian, Christian, Ricky

Bottom: Sweet P, Chris, Rami

Christian's Diva just loves hers to death. It's very the artist-formerly-known-as-meets-Professional-Bull-Riding. With boobs.



Jillian's outfit is turning out much better than anticipated, a lot like a boxer's outfit with the short shorts and tie waist. Even the strappy bra top really makes the Diva's torso look leaner and longer than before. However, when she turned around, I think my fiance's eyeballs popped out of their sockets and cried, "I mean! That is butt crease! On network TV!"



Chris's outfit is simply genious and fits the model like a dream. The Diva plyaed up the sass factor, but her shorts were the best of the bunch, not airbrushed on, in black sparkles and the leopard top didn't make her look like she was falling out of anything. And that garter knife thing made it look like she was about to go nijna on their collective asses! Mostly, though, it makes me think I need to hit the gym more often.



Poor Sweet P. Getting the worst take down of the show so far, her model says to her, "it looks like I could have bought it at the stripper store." Note the use of "THE stripper store." Not "A stripper store." There is one stripper store in particular that this woman frequents.



Speaking of strippers, Rami takes his hot pink fabric and makes a hot pink mess. There is this Barbarella meets Barbie bra top and this old lady swimwear skirt which reveals a pair of tiny shorts. Very Debbie Does the Flintstones.



Ricky's outfit ends up looking like his Diva decided to wear boots and fishnets to the beach. Wrapped in one of those foil things they hand out to people who have just finished a marathon. But, god bless his hats, he is just pleased as punch with himself.



The judging comes to pass, and the consensus is that Nina HATESHATESHATES Rami's color choice. He notes that he knew it would be controversial. Like the death penalty and the U.S. stance on torture level controversial. I think Chris Matthews will be talking about it tonight actually.



Ricky gets body slammed (i couldn't help myself!) for it just being a bathing suit with a gold thingy. Sweet P gets the predictable gouges for it not being dramatic enough. Apparently disco balls are no longer dramatic? Huh?



The toss up on the win is clearly between Chris and Christian, and Chris pulls it out! I felt good for him. This outfit was pretty rocking. Chris does his sad face, but c'mon man, you're doing fine. Jillian was set up a possible win here, but that was just for show, I think.



Rami, Sweet P and Ricky are up on the chopping block, with Rami getting the stay early. Sweet P eventually gets let off the hook, but just barely. That leaves Ricky to cry it out on stage alone....



Poor kid. Maybe he can make a hat from the extra gold fabric.



As always, Blogging Project Runway has all the shizz including links to the final collections! Also, I heard that all five of the designers showed at Fashion Week this morning...and that Rami and Christian are the clear favorites for top two...



Do you think they all made it? How many decoys?

Going the Distance

I've blogged before about my admiration for the staying power of Bobbi Brown's cosmetics.



Most eyeshadows will melt away faster than an ice cube on a K Street sidewalk in August, leaving you with a nice little slick of goop right in the crease of your lid for the 6 hours remaining in your day.



Most eyeliner will dribble south of the lower lash border making you look like you came straight to work from the eye makeup remover free home of some dude you met last night at Town Hall, instead of the clean and sober girl that everyone knows you to be.



But with Bobbi's Long-Wear line, you can keep your squeaky clean reputation intact!



Or at least hide all of those indiscretions....



I recently picked up a second color of her Long-Wear Cream Shadow (the first being my fave, Galaxy) in Sand Dollar, a golden taupe color that makes me look polished but not made up. It can be layered with any number of other shadows for a more intense look, but with the nasty winter weather getting me down, I've been sticking with something simple.



The salesperson also used one of the Long-Wear Gel Eyeliners on me. I currently have two, but once I saw her little pot, I realized that it's time to throw mine away. Why? Because her's wasn't all dried up and cracked and dull looking.



Yeah, that's right, I'll admit it, I keep stuff way past it's prime. My fridge has mustards from the Clinton years and I listen to DMB like it's 1998. What up?



Anyhoo, she used the Chocolate Shimmer Ink, a dark brown shade with just a little shimmer. It was nice, but I think I prefer Espresso, which is a wee bit darker and minus the shim.



I also notice that Bobbi has debuted a new Bridal Look, complete with a kit to purchase which includes the Long-Wear Eyeliner. A handy gift for any bride you know who's registry is sold out of items under $100.



Speaking of which....any one have any recommendations for a wedding makeup artist in New York? Help a sister out!

In Other News

If you feel the need to escape from the non-stop Super Tuesday coverage which has innundated the airwaves, take a gander at the video released by Heidi Montag of "The Hills"!

Oh man.

That is rough.

It will totally scare you straight back to watching Tim Russert shining with glee for at least another few hours.

So Much Smarter than Sliced Bread

You know those nights you get all dressed up?





The kind where your SO has actually found the time to get on Opentable and make a reservation? Or where you and your girlfriends are planning to be classy for an hour or so at dinner before getting raucous at the Park at 14th?





And you pull out your pretty clutch, stuff it with wallet, keys, Mace, three lipglosses, and a ponytail holder in case your hair falls flat and head to the dinner locale of choice.





And then you sit down and realize that there is no place to put said clutch.





You definitely don't want to put it on the floor. Yuck.





It kind of slides around on your lap and you have to keep touching it every time you reach for your napkin. Irritating.





My grandmother (from whom I have a gorgeous green pressed mock croc envelope clutch on permanent loan) told me that etiquette dictates that a woman put her purse on the table. But in reality, I think that's odd looking. And someone could spill.





Well, apparently, Alain Ducasse has solved that problem at his new spot in New York, Adour.





The chairs have little pull out shelves on which you can rest your bag!





Brilliant.





It also gives you the chance to show off a particularly covetable bag.





Seriously, as long as the waiters don't start tripping over these things, this might be the greatest purse related discovery since those little hooks under the bar.





If only other restaurants would follow suit!



what? no one else carries Mace? Have you seen some of the guys at the Park? I'm just saying...


photo courtesy of nymag.com

When Divine Intervention Attacks!

There are days when the stars align, the winds are blowing the right direction, the gods smile, and you find a pair of shoes that you loved in an ad six months ago, but didn't buy because they were too expensive, on sale for 70 percent off. In your size.

Last week I had one of those days.

The shoes in question?

The Cole Haan Dalya Mary Jane in black patent leather. With Nike Air technology.

The clouds seemed to open up and the heavens seemed to sing as I sashayed out of Bloomingdale's shopping bag in tow. It's pretty much as close as I get to a religious epiphany.

However, last Saturday, I had another religious experience. One where I was begging for divine intervention to stop the pain in my feet!

Now, as some of you may know, I'm a big fan of the suck-it-up-and-wear-the-shoes-God-made-pretty. But I'm always looking for ways to ease the pain, and Cole Haan's integration of sneaker technology from Nike into real shoes was intriguing.

When I first got the mary janes in question, I was thrilled with the bouncy cushioning and rubber soles on the shoes. I even bragged to a co-worker about how cool they were. Well, obviously hubris had consequences.

After a long night of dancing at a friend's birthday party, I found myself hobbling into my apartment in my pretty shoes, begging for someone, anyone, to take away the throbbing pain in my toes. Luckily, I passed out before finding the leftover Percocet in my bathroom cabinet.


The next morning, while staring contemptuously through a nasty hangover at my shoes, I noticed that a few of my toes had actually GONE NUMB. Like nerve damage numb. It's coming back now (thirty-six hours later!) but seriously!

Now, I'm a glutton for pain when it comes to looking pretty, so I fully plan on wearing the shoes again, but heed this! Don't go buying these shoes for the comfort factor. Just stock up on pain killers and anti-inflammatories.

Hey, Isn't that...?

So I was perusing my new favorite bridal blog, Brooklyn Bride...

And by perusing, I mean spending hours combing through archives and clicking on vendor links instead of actually working.

And I stumbled on the link for the new Real Simple Weddings website.

Hey...isn't that Bree from America's Next Top Model???

photo courtesy of realsimple.com

Too Blue

On a recent, particularly low Friday (nothing crazy, just worn out from having to work a full week (!) after the holidays), I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Bobbi Brown counter for a pick me up.

Hey...it's better than having a heroin addiction, ok?

The purported reason was to check out the Pink Raspberry Collection, a gorgeous new range of shades for spring. Bloggers everywhere have been raving about the blue-based pinks that are just pitch perfect for this coming spring.

When I got to the counter, I played by myself for a minute but then stopped and asked for directions.

When testing what I thought would be my ultimate purchase, the Lip Crayon in Pink Raspberry, it turned positively peachy on my skin.

Whoa, Nellie.

The makeup artist confirmed it. I was too blue based for these colors.

I can only assume she meant, because you are so frickfracking pale that I can see your veins you freak, in the nicest way possible.

The darker shade, Wild Raspberry was better, but the crayon texture was a little heavy looking for my tastes.

I did pick up the lip gloss in Pink Popsicle, which is a transparent shiny bubble-gummy pink, which did wonders for my eyes.

kind of like this one, but no glitter

Because I need another pink lip gloss like I need a third eyeball. But that wasn't the point.

I left the counter happier than I came, and isn't that the purpose of makeup?

photos courtesy of bobbibrown.com

Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten

Like how to share.



Apparently, I now have to share my wedding date.



With HER.

Well, on the upside, I won't have the press hounding me on my wedding day!

Project Runway: En Garde

This episode opens with Rami playing the part of producer, starting awkward conversation with Christian while he beats his hair into submission with a flat iron. He asks, what do you think of Joey Faketone leaving?



To which Christian pricelessly replies, I don't care.



Awesome.



On to the challenge!



Heidi brings out models who have these horrific hairstyles which must inspire an avant-garde piece for the runway. They all chose and two more forgettable faces are sent packing.



Back in the workroom, Tim explains that they will be in teams of two, with one leader, and $300 dollars to spend on fabric. The teams are chosen "randomly" from the velvet bag of horror, and break down thusly:



Team Ferociousness: Christian and Chris



Team Police State: Rami and Sweet P



Team Whiny Pants: Victorya and Jillian



Team Send in the Clowns: Kit Pistol and Ricky



Christian and Chris get to work on a gown made of layered circles of rough edged fabric inspired by their model's enormous cinnabon hairstyle. Rami gets started on a Rami dress with draping and also begins to simultaneously ignore and abuse Sweet P.



Victorya and Jillian spend most of their time figuring out who will be the leader, ultimately flipping something to make the decision, which leads to this conversation:



V: Ok, so, I'm the leader. Are you comfortable with that?



J: Yeah, I'm ok with that. I mean, I guess I'm not ok with it, but I'm comfortable with it.



HUH?



Despite "leader" issues, they sketch out a Mad-Max-meets-Vivianne-Westwood design of dramatic trench coat and pants.



Kit and Ricky (guess who the leader is there? the one who can brush her teeth without crying?) work on a design based on "nesting" since the hair is like a bird's nest. I want to say up front that I thought this could be interesting. Obviously, I was wrong.



They all begin to work and it becomes very clear that this is a doozy of a challenge. Things are being cut, thread is flying, Christian is mugging for the camera, Ricky is on the verge of tears. But, then Tim shows up and delivers the cortisol elevating news that they must design a ready to wear piece to go along with the avant garde-ish ensemble. The designers all look like are about to yak all over Tim.



Except for Ricky, who just spills out the tears that were at the ready.



They get to buy more fabric and strategize about the new look. This leads to multiple scenes involving Sweet P suggesting things and Rami shooting her down. One priceless comment is that he proclaims that navy is too evening for a ready to wear dress. Ummm, ok. Sooo, navy is not appropriate for daytime? Like satin slip dresses and french twists? Only after the coup which leads to a regime where all clothes must be flowy and grecian.



Furious sewing and stitching ensues on both garments, except for Team Whiny Pants where they only work on the avant garde piece and ignore the need for a second dress.



As Tim rolls around, it is becoming clear that Kit's design is shaping up to be more Little House on the Prairie than Dior Haute Couture. I die a little bit inside, since this pretty much ensures that Ricky will cry on the runway.



We also get to see Rami scream at Sweet P, question her ability to handle the simplest of tasks, micromanage, and generally be a dick in the name of his avant garde dress which looks remarkably like all the other dresses he made. This leads her to cry into the nonexistent bosom of a model. I've been there Sweet P, bosses can suck.



After one scene that looks like a model being born through Team FierceFierce's dress and another where Victorya and Jillian somehow have a dress that didn't appear to be sown by human hands, it's onto the runway!



Team Fierce is clearly the winner here with their absolutely stunning champagne layered dress. I could rave about this thing all day. It was elegant, interesting and unwearable, but inspiring for a ready to wear section. (I didn't happen to love the RTW piece, but let's face it, only Sweet P came up with something decent for that.) The thing about this piece that made it so special was that it didn't look amateur. It looked like something Galliano would send down a real runway.





Team Whiny Pants gets high praise for their exceedingly awesome trench in which their model thoroughly worked down the runway. I thought the pants looked a little more SS than Hampton's Polo Club, but whatevs, maybe that contributed to the look. I thought their RTW piece stunk. It was so very Express. And I wanted to scream at the judges, they don't deserve to win! They made that at the last second! But overall, I think the avant garde piece earned its accolades.




Team Rami got the comeuppance it so deserved. The judges laid into Rami for sending them the same crap on a different day. They assaulted him for the superfluous pants. And they said he was being mean to Sweet P. (Hey...what the hell happened to Mean P? I was promised an evil alter-ego, dammit!) They did, however, like Sweet P's flowy minidress.




And then there were two. Poor Kit Pistol was standing next to Ricky the spineless wonder to defend her hoop skirted dress and calico shift.




I have one important thing to bring up. The judges went on and on about how it felt old fashioned, and they wanted to be taken into the future with this challenge. I'm not disputing that Kit's dress looked a little 19th century in a literal way, but I do think that historical references can be avant garde. Remember all that Marie Antoinette mania? Remember how an entire issue of Vogue was dedicated to looking like an antebellum France on crack? I think, when done properly at the right time, use of an anachronistic look can be very avant garde. Unfortunately, it fell flat here.



Which left Kit holding the bag. Clearly Ricky wasn't getting tossed here because he simply had no input and Kit didn't throw him under the bus. Well, Kit took the boot gracefully. We'll miss you and your bleached hair! Give our love to Orange County!


Comme toujours...Blogging Project Runway, c'est magnifique!

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Things

Please.

Under no circumstances.

Should ANYONE.

EVER.

Wear a shirt.

That says:

"I'm cute in the front and sexy in the back"

TO WORK.

Ever.

To Toe or Not To Toe

I've found myself in a recently quandry which I never thought that I would be in.



As readers of my rambling rants about my pet peeves may know, I'm not a huge fan of visible feet in inappropriate situations.



I don't wear strappy sandals in the office, even on the hottest days of the year,



I think seeing toes after Veteran's Day is abominable,



In church, I think God should be looking at your pious face, not your chipped pedicure,



I don't wear peep toes to bars for fear of being stepped on.



Basically, I have a lot of rules regarding revealing footwear. But I didn't really think twice about wanting to wear open toed shoes on my wedding day.



I had even picked a front runner in the Great Wedding Shoe Hunt:





Until my mother heard from a friend who heard from another friend who heard from someone at Kleinfeld's, the bridal mecca, that you simply do NOT wear open toed shoes as the sight of toes will just destroy everything you have worked so hard to do to plan the perfect wedding.

(Actually, I think there was something about it destroying the "line" of the dress and that everyone will just be staring at your toes)

When my mother relayed this information, I brushed it off, saying that I had seen that horrible show about Kleinfeld's and I was not about to take their advice.

Then she called me at work today and told me that a salesperson at a shoe store, which has earned my utmost respect and admiration, also expressed shock that I would wear open toed shoes to become a wife.

Am I missing something here?

I'm getting married in springtime.

I won't be in a church or other such religious establishment.

I promise to have a pretty pedicure.

Is it wrong to wear open toed shoes?

photo courtesy of barneys.com

Project Runway: What a Girl Wants

Ok, I'm dispensing with the previouslies recap because I want to get down to the challenge, which, in my opinion, was AWESOME.

Design a prom dress for a seventeen year old Catholic school senior, with her help!

It smacks of the original season's "model's wedding dress challenge" which was one of my favorite episodes. These challenges pit designers against their models, who are no longer just clothes hangers but involve a level of fantasy for the client and license to give their opinion in all it's tacky bedazzled glory.

Hell, I still have dreams about my prom dress.

It rocked, fyi.

So, not only did the girls get to have input, they got to pick which designer they wanted to make the dress of their dreams. Well, except Victorya's client who admitted right off the bat that they were both the last ones standing. Apparently Catholic school doesn't teach these chicks the art of tactful lying. Well, it is in New Jersey.

Speaking of the Garden State, Joey Faketone blabs to the camera about his roots in Jersey. Like no one saw that coming. The prom pic of the fake tan and the mushroom haircut was priceless though.

We also got a glimpse into the past "straight" life of Ricky, where his mom made all of his clothes, he couldn't be creative, and he made his prom date's dress. And it was a GIRL! And he cries. Seriously, every episode I just count the minutes until Ricky turns on the waterworks. I wonder if he has a medical condition? Overactive lacrimealia? Or maybe it's the HRT.

Christian wins the "crazy difficult client" contest, walking away with two days full of torture and angst filled work hours! Maddie storms in like the monster in Cloverfield, and grabs Christian's pencil, announcing that she is a designer too!

Puh-lease! She requests a hot mess of lace and diamonds and tulle while Christian's soul begins to visibly weep. I would say he deserves it for being such an ass-clown for the past million episodes, but this kid is over the top. My stony exterior begins to crack as real emotions are felt for the first time.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sweet P is wrangling a girl with too many hormones and an appetite for hootchie. The client basically requested a white version of the infamous J-Lo Grammy dress, meaning two hankies and string. Sweet P does an excellent job of listening and then scaling back on the whore factor by about 47%.

The sight of the tattooed, pierced, former naughty Catholic schoolgirl worrying about what this dress would lead to on prom night (namely, whatever she did) is too cute. Also, who's the hot surfer dude from the prom photo? I'm impressed, P!

As the sewing continues, we realize that Joey Faketone is in trouble due to his abject refusal to hem the dress, despite being told by the entire universe that he will get his ass handed to him by Nina for it. Also, Victorya says screw her client, she's making a bubble dress and no one will tell her not to. Oh, and Christian has descended into the 8th circle of hell. Dante didn't have the imagination to come up with a chick like this.

The moms also visit for the fittings and say all the things my mom would say!

Doesn't that waist make you look pregnant?

Isn't it a little too short?

I'm just concerned that color isn't for you.

Well, maybe the waist just makes you look fat, not pregnant.

On to the runway!

Just as an aside, it's always fun to watch real teenagers totter around in heels as opposed to the hormone fed crazy sophisticated starlets and models that the media force-feeds us. It's so innocent looking.

On the runway, Kit, Chris, and Jillian get a pass. I liked all three dresses, although my fiance made retching noises at Chris's and I thought Jillian's "model" needed a better bra.

Wow, now I sound like my mother.

Pulled out for further scrutiny:

Christian, who tried to blame Maddie, who in turn played dumb and looked offended, even though that chocolate brown and black lace was a total fiasco of pleating and ruffles and evil.

Rami, although immune from elimination, who made a signature dress in a chartreuse green. I didn't think it looked bad per se, and not even that old (although compared to these girls I'm like Angela Lansbury over here) but Michael Kors delivered the "matronly" kiss of death.

Ricky, weepy as always, gets hammered for his wispy baby pink bubble dress that washes the girl out and looks crooked. I did like the idea of covering the jewels with the tulle though.

OK. That is IT! I cannot take any more bubble hems! IT'S CRAP! STOP THE MADNESS!

And Joey Faketone just gets the absolute hammer of ire from the judges. They called his red babydoll halter dress cheap looking. They said that it made the model look like an old hooker, basically. And his hem was poo. I knew right then that we would be saying bye, bye, bye to Joey.

Oh, man. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.

On the winning end, I think the judges made the wrong choice. AGAIN.

They picked Victorya's bright blue bedazzled collar dress over Sweet P's elegant but sexy satin Jean Harlow gown? Give me a break! That jeweled neckline looked like a disco ball that my friend had in college. In the NINETIES!!!

Sweet P's girl looked like a million bucks. And not like anyone was going to pay her a million bucks, if you know what I mean. I think Sweet P did an exemplary job of negotiating the client's wants and her own morality and ended up with a beautiful result.

But, as Tim says, "Chacun son gout."

True that. True that.

Check out Blogging Project Runway if you know what's good for you!

Un-Bridaled

When I woke up on January 1, 2008, my first thought was more along the lines of "Wow, my head hurts" as opposed to "This is the year I'm getting married!"

But both are true.

While in the past months of planning I have been called "the most laid back bride EVER" by a friend (sweet of her, but LIAR!), the impending reality of my upcoming wedding has finally set in (nightmares and all) and so, as an outlet for my mania, I'm starting a section of my blog devoted to bridal beauty.

My shrink says it's a good idea. Just kidding. But maybe not.

For those of you for whom weddings and cupids and tieback chairs induce dry heaving, I promise to keep this light and not let it take over the whole blog. In other words, I won't be Blogzilla.

Man, I just crack myself up!

A recent comment on my holiday party post sparked my interest:

I just got engaged and want to know what beauty and maintenance routines I need to pick up. I am fairly low maintenance, but don't mind splurging a bit to make sure I look good for the big day. Any advice?

Hmm, when I got engaged, all these people wanted to take us out for dinner, and I promptly gained 5 pounds. This is NOT a routine I suggest picking up. Yeah, still trying to work that off by the way...

Anyways, if you are pretty low maintenance, I would definitely stay that way. It's a good way to be. At the risk of sounding like Queer Eye or something, I would suggest the one thing to be high maintenance about is your skin. It's a cliche for a reason, if your skin looks great, everything else is pretty easy.

If you are anything like me, stress can induce massive breakouts. Seriously, finals week in law school, it was like a bomb went off on my face. And I've been told you will be stressed. Unless you happen to have easy access to a years supply of Xanax....yummy.

So, I say, start a routine now. If you are not troubled by skin issues, just find a cleansing/lotion routine that works for you. Most dermatologists swear by Cetaphil, and hell, it's like six bucks in the drugstore so it can't hurt to try.

Lots of folks (especially on TV, and I always believe what I hear on TV) swear by ProActiv. I can't vouch for it myself though.

If you have more issues, this could be an opportune time to schedule a visit with a derm in your area and get started on a more intense routine. An MD can get you started on retinols, oral contraceptives, or just tell you that your skin would be great if you just stopped falling asleep with your makeup on every night and you are insane and a little bit of a hypochondriac. Not that this ever happened to me or anything. Your health insurance may even pick up the tab...

(Also! Schedule a full body mole check while you are going there! I have heard WAY to many stories recently about women with melanomas and basal cells. Ok, I'll stop with the preachy 'tude.)

For me, I've been using the Kiehl's Washable Cleansing Milk for my dry skin at morning and night, then an application of their Ultra Facial Cream in the morning.

This is what my bathroom counter looks like, but with dried up toothpaste nearby.

At night, I've been plowing through samples of their brand new Over-Night Biological Peel. It makes my skin feel like an infant's ass, without the harsh scrubbies of an exfoliant. It also, despite not actually being a moisturizer, doesn't leave my skin dry in the least.



I don't know what's in it, but I dig it.



So, in summation, I would recommend that you head to your drugstore, your local internets, or dermatologist and get cracking on making your face look great for the day of.



More to come on my thoughts about fondant, matching your eyeshadow to the groomsmens' vests, and shellacked updos! Here's a sneak peek..."Yuck!"



So, any bridal topics anyone else wants covered?



photos courtesy of kiehls.com

Can I Get an UGH?

Things I'm Soooo Over:



(in no particular order)



Bottle service



Footless tights/leggings (die, die!)



Uggs...I mean SERIOUSLY. Seriously. C'mon, please?



Tory Burch Reva Flats (in every color, every style and on every person)


Side ponytails.



People who think it's funny to refer to last week as "last year" in the first week of January



The word "pollster"



Men at bars who sip drinks through the drink stirrer. As a matter of a fact, make that anyone who does that.


Ok, I think that's enough bile for one day.

Out with the Old

Ahhh, a new year has begun.



And while there are some things from last year that are truly inescapable, like the constant barrage of election coverage or Britney's looney toon ways, there are ways to try to make 2008 more tolerable than 2007.



In that spirit, I took my annual holiday Sephora gift card (people love me! They really love me!) and went on a replacement spree!



First into the bag, a brand spanking new Shu Uemura eyelash curler. If you don't have one of these...well, just get one. It's like that Mercedes SLK 600 that you see with diplomatic plates. It's the best of the best, but you can actually afford this one and it won't run you over at a stop sign because its owner has immunity.



Unfortunately, it doesn't last forever. The spring wears out after a couple of years, and even if you are good about cleaning, it will get pretty gunked up. I'm currently on my third in a lifetime, and let me tell you, that first curl with the new curler...man...it's like a cupcake with no calories.



Also dropped into my sack was a new pair of Tweezerman tweezers. Mine mysteriously disappeared when I shacked with with my now-fiance. I got them in hot pink this time so he can't touch them. It's like kryptonite for dudes.




Then I did a little searching for a replacement for my beloved Trish McEvoy Brow Gel. I can't seem to find it and mine was taking on a little funky smell. I eventually settled on Benefit Speed Brow in Light, for my barely there eyebrows. I've been pleased. It's a little crunchier feeling, but the color is subtle and natural and it keeps my eyebrows looking neat, despite one missing set o' tweezers.



It always feels good to sweep the old out the door and usher in a new year, new brow gel, new curler, etc. Anything you are replacing during this time of change?



Oh, and in case inquiring minds need to know...my resolution for this year?



Floss more.